Thank you Alasdayr, I appreciate the kind words and they mean a lot. I feel the same way about you.
I was in a very dark place last night and still am, and wanted to harm myself, I never did, because I thought of my Psychiatrist and I don't mean in a creepy way, what I mean is that he may feel ashamed of me and like he failed me. I don't know, I guess I'd have to ask. If I did do something I'd say "can I tell you something please?", then say it and probably start crying.