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Forums / Welcome and orientation / disassociating rage caused by my neighbors constant noise

Topic: disassociating rage caused by my neighbors constant noise

14 posts, 0 answered
  1. alonelygirl
    alonelygirl avatar
    4 posts
    22 June 2021

    Hi,

    Thank you for listening to me. I am ay my wits end. I live alone but been sharing my life with with my complicated mental health issues including Ptsd and Schizoaffective bipolar disorder. It has been a difficult few years as I have lived through the loss of my family and 2 very dear friends and I have been struggling big time. I have been in and out of Hospital and it is extremely hard to try to get through this incredibly dark and heavy time.

    4 years back new neighbors from hell moved in next door, they make the most unbearable noise constantly stomping around when they walk my house vibrates from the impact noise and it is unbearable. Even with ear plugs in I can hear and feel their footsteps. They have been renovating their house as well, he is the home renovator from hell, every spare moment he's doing something to the house with his music blaring. He has not put decent flooring down to stop the impact noise, the home owner also demolished outside asbestos walls without the proper safety precautions in place. I have tried to talk to them, but it hasn't helped, it has made the situation worse! They get up early and go to bed late and the noise is constant. I have contacted Council, Epa have written to the building certifier about the flooring and impact noise and illegal asbestos removal but I have just been given the run around. I guess that's what happens to you when you are living alone the whole world can just ignore you and bully you in to a total mental breakdown and make you feel completely worthless as a member of society.

    I have gotten so distressed and triggered by the noise I disassociate and react inappropriately by going out side and screaming at them to stop it. I hate what is happening to me and how I react. I know I should control myself, but I don't even realize I'm outside screaming until its over when I am a shaking vomiting mess losing it. I feel so alone and unworthy I really don't know what to do anymore. I am getting sicker and sicker and I hate that I'm having episodes of dissociation where I am not in control and that they are constantly in my space grinding me down with their noise. My poor worn down body and brain cant stand this constant mental torture.

    Has anybody else had problems with noise causing disassociating episodes?

    Thank you for letting me write this down and share, this as helped calm me down.

    Take care

    1 person found this helpful
  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
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    therising avatar
    2007 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to alonelygirl

    Hi alonelygirl

    I feel for you so so much, regarding your overwhelming losses, mental health challenges and current incredible frustrations.

    It's not hard to work out whether we're dealing with unreasonable people; they typically don't see a reason to compromise.They only see their own reasons behind what they do.

    One of my episodes involved barking dogs. Living in my house for a number of years, just about every neighbour who's lived next door has had barking dogs. I love sitting in my back yard chilling but had been somewhat deprived of the chill factor over the years. Current neighbours have a dog. About a year ago, I snapped. As my stomach churned and my heart raced, I could feel myself becoming the most worked up I'd ever been. I'd reached the absolute limits of tolerance, finding myself on the verge of insanity. It was like the super b#tch in me just got up out of the chair proclaiming 'You're not putting up with this for a second longer and you shouldn't have to!' As I walked next door, the sage in me was trying so hard to calm the super b#tch in me, 'Stay calm! Stay calm! You need to stay calm'. Both the sage and the b#tch together got a result, with me staying calm as I could while explaining I just couldn't tolerate one more second of years of barking. Not sure what happened to the dog but there's no more barking. My teenage kids questioned 'Who the heck was that who just went in next door?', as this was just not me. It was apparently my new best friend, the b#tch in me (the glorious liberating non people pleaser). By the way, she can't come to life while the people pleaser in me is active.

    When it comes to mental health management, I'm wondering if there's some way you can consider a count down. If you can count down to when the renovations are finished, this can feel like something you're looking forward to, as opposed to tolerating indefinitely. Are you in a financial position to give yourself the occasional time off at a local hotel, as a treat for being incredibly tolerant? You deserve the break. In reality, if these people are working half a day all week on this place, that's actually 84 hours a week of noise which is absolutely insane. Wouldn't surprise me if the surrounding neighbours are quietly cheering you when they hear your protests. Although it's a massive undertaking, is moving an option, putting this behind you?

    Personally, I wouldn't be able to tolerate this. I'd have to move, no matter what. I think you deserve a medal.

    :)

    2 people found this helpful
  3. romantic_thi3f
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3035 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to alonelygirl

    Hi alonelygirl,

    Welcome and thanks for joining us- I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much with your neighbours. I agree with therising and it sounds like hell. I'm annoyed for not being able to do anything or suggest anything that could be helpful - because the only suggestion I would have had is have a chat to the council, and you've really exhausted all of those options!

    I have struggled with noise and dissociating. For me it's trauma related so I'm more likely to 'hide', which is quite different.

    Are there any times in your house where it is noisy but you don't feel dissociated? If you can, I would really encourage you to see if you can find glimpses of that. Perhaps that could be listening to music, or watching tv, or playing a game. Or it might be finding some industrial noise cancelling headphones and trying to focus on your breath - possibly a trial and error.

    I also agree that it would be really helpful to find out when the renovations end. I think part of the torture and the rage could be the sense of it 'never ending'. A therapist trained in trauma may also have some suggestions.

    I hope this helps even a little. I'm glad that it helped to share and write this down- this space is yours to write as much as you like.

    rt

    1 person found this helpful
  4. alonelygirl
    alonelygirl avatar
    4 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    Thank you so much for your kind and understanding reply. I must say your calm sage and super b#tch experience put a big smile on my face,(no offence intended) that is a wonderful way of expressing a horrible confronting experience where you achieved a positive outcome, so very brave and inspiring of you. You have made me rethink and like my psyco b#tch side as she is actually standing up for me. Usually I'm stuck with miss prissy people pleaser cowering under the bed sheets or pacing the floor tearing shreds of myself emotionally.

    I like your suggestion of going to a nice hotel and treating myself to a night of peace. That is much nicer than sleeping in my car! I am looking into moving as there is no end in sight with the renovations as the neighbors are undertaking the job themselves. When I am not so overwhelmed, sensible me feels I deserve to be able to live in my home the rest of my days in a bit of peace and quiet.

    Thank you again for sharing your experience with me, you have given me comfort and courage to soldier on.

    Take care

    LG

    1 person found this helpful
  5. alonelygirl
    alonelygirl avatar
    4 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to romantic_thi3f

    Hi romantic_thi3f

    Thank you for replying to me and acknowledging and understanding my distress. The kind words and suggestions you have written give me comfort and good ideas. I am seeing a trauma therapist, but as you would know with disassociation episodes sometimes the tool box and tools you have fly out the window. I have had molded ear plugs made and wear industrial ear muffs to help with the impact noise. Its the vibrations of their footsteps that I can't escape and that really sets me off as it go's right through my body especially when trying to rest or sleep.

    I have been pro active today and moved my tv and comfy chair right to the back of my house as far away as possible from the noise and vibrations. I could always take up solo basketball and buy myself a hoop! I am looking at moving to a new peaceful area where all the homes around me are build on concert slabs.

    I feel very fortunate to have been listened to and understood.

    Take care

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Summer Rose
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    Summer Rose avatar
    1500 posts
    23 June 2021 in reply to alonelygirl

    Hi alonelygirl

    Thank you for posting and sharing your story.

    I’m so sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation. Your neighbours’ behaviour is so disappointing. It just doesn’t feel right to think that anybody could be so selfish and cause so much harm and there’s nothing that can be done to stop it.

    I’m wondering if any of your other neighbours are bothered by the noise, particularly the ones in the other side of the renovation? Just thinking that there is strength in numbers and if the council received a number of complaints they might be more helpful.

    I’m also wondering if you have ever contacted the police? I don’t know if they would help but it’s just a phone call to the local station to find out.

    Lastly the ABC radio morning program in Melbourne with Virginia Trioli runs a weekly segment with a lawyer who provides free advice to callers. I have heard many people call with similar neighbour stories. Unfortunately I can’t remember the advice given, but if you live in Victoria you could call in and if you live in another state you could check if local ABC morning program run a similar segment.

    I wish you the best of luck. Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  7. alonelygirl
    alonelygirl avatar
    4 posts
    25 June 2021 in reply to Summer Rose

    Hi Summer Rose

    Thank you for your kind support and great ideas. I will certainly be checking out the ABC morning radio program that you suggested. Information and knowledge is power!

    That is so true about there being strength in numbers, I am collecting affidavits from other people to help support me with this issue.

    I am personally very scared of the Police ,(I worry that I will be judged and thrown in the loony basket) but I have asked my therapist if they will help me get the courage up and support me in contacting them about the noise.

    Take care

    LG

    1 person found this helpful
  8. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3035 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to alonelygirl

    Hi alonelygirl,

    I'm so sorry, I'd bookmarked this page to reply and never got around to it! I was trying to think of some more suggestions or anything that might be helpful to you.

    Thank you for your kind words. They mean so much to me. You deserve to be heard and understood, and you've already shown so much courage just by joining the forums.

    How have you been doing lately?

    rt

  9. Sleeping is When I’m Happy
    Sleeping is When I’m Happy  avatar
    16 posts
    24 July 2021 in reply to alonelygirl

    I’m so sorry 😞 It’s hard enuff with what your dealing with , as is

    then add on , upstairs who clearly are just thinking of them selves
    It seems the world 🌎 is becoming a me, me, me world more every day !!

    It’s hard enuff dealing with these types of situations when your fully well it’s enuff to give anyone stress , so I get why it’s driving you to how you feel .
    im dealing with a Bodycorp problems where everything that should be simple ie: the party’s across the hall have had some many complaints they should of been convicted out,

    YET , everything is a battle to just get what’s by law a straight forward fix !!

    But the sounds you are contacting everyone that you can. I don’t know what state your in but by law , building must stop at a certain time, your council would know. Noise control ?

    other than that , When I am so frustrated my shoulders get so tight , I do up a hot water bottle and put on shoulders and listen to a mindfulness talking mediate. Your dealing with a lot more than I , so I don’t know if my suggestions have helped .

    however , I’m so sorry your having such a shocking time.The other thing that I have used is I say will this matter in a year ? And say to my self nothings lasts forever, which then calms me as I remind myself that like anything things change . Hopefully 🙏 your day is better today , Mental Illness is a real tough gig isn’t it !!

    Take care ❤️🙏 “ It’s a bad day, not a bad life “ ( thou it may feel that way if u know what I mean )

  10. Tare
    Tare avatar
    2 posts
    4 August 2021 in reply to alonelygirl

    I completely understand. We have a neighbour who has 4 dogs that she neglects and screams at and they bark, whine and fight, sometimes all day and night. It is causing us not only mental, but physical stress, and negatively impacting our health. My eldest son who is at uni is particularly effected to the point where his hair is starting to fall out as he grabs at it when stressed.

    The neighbour suffers from rage and is one of those people who wants confrontation and she has chosen to pick on me specifically, accusing me of everything from calling the RSPCA to putting rubbish in her bin. The latter happened last Friday and she screamed foul abuse at me and threatened to bash me up, kill me and burn our house down. Of course I never put anything in her bin.

    The authorities are hopeless- no one cares. I suffer from severe depression and I’m scared of leaving the house and scared of being in the house. The death threats have happened before and I went to court on the advice of the police to get a no contact order against her but the legal people said it was basically pointless.

    So I understand how you feel and I’m so sorry it’s happening to you too. It’s horrible that the whims of other people can have such a negative impact on other people’s lives and they and no one else seems to care. We are such quiet neighbours and we value our privacy and our bad neighbour seems to resent that. I hope you find a solution soon x

  11. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Summer Rose avatar
    1500 posts
    4 August 2021 in reply to Tare

    Hi Tare

    Welcome to the bb forum and well done on making your first post.

    I’m really sorry to learn of the torment your neighbours are causing you and your family. I hope by you sharing your story alonelygirl will feel less alone.

    Kind thoughts to you

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5483 posts
    4 August 2021 in reply to Tare
    HI Tare, 

    We are really sorry to hear that you and your son are being impacted by your neighbour so much. It sounds like an incredibly difficult and stressful situation for you to be dealing with. We can hear that you have tried to seek support from the police, we encourage you to continue to try if you feel like you need to. 

    If at anytiem you feel unsafe, this is an emergency and you should call 000. 

    If you want to talk to someone about ways to manage stress and anxiety, our team are always ready to talk on 1300 22 4636. The experienced counsellors who answer the calls are there to support you, listen to you and offer helpful advice. 

    We hope that this helps, please feel free to check back in and let us know how you are going if you feel comfortable doing so. 

    Kind regards ,
    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  13. Sleeping is When I’m Happy
    Sleeping is When I’m Happy  avatar
    16 posts
    11 August 2021 in reply to Tare

    how kind you are to write in when your dealing with all that your self !

    im just speechless 😶 honestly that anyone needs to deal with this while down

    I’m hoping both lots move and you both get some peace !

    dad ( rip ) used too say life isn’t always fair ! How right he was !

    take care , and as a fellow human I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.not fair !

    best wishes me

  14. Eilidh Girl
    Eilidh Girl avatar
    9 posts
    20 August 2021 in reply to alonelygirl
    I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this situation and I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. My husband has cptsd and we live next door to violent people who act as a trigger on a daily basis. We are still searching for a solution but I can share that going out walking has been of some help to us, I know it doesn’t solve anything but I hope it gives you some comfort to know you’re not alone.

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