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Forums / Welcome and orientation / A toxic "friend"

Topic: A toxic "friend"

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest_906
    Guest_906 avatar
    1 posts
    2 July 2019

    Hiya, I'm new to this so I don't exactly know how to start but I've been dealing with a really toxic person who I was friends with for a while, she starts of nice for a few weeks then gets meaner and meaner, eventually getting to the point where every time you walk up to her she immediatly starts to berate me with insults about me being trans and just mean things in general, I started this thread hoping that we could share incidents like this one happening to us and what to do about it

    1 person found this helpful
  2. TurquoiseTangerine
    TurquoiseTangerine avatar
    9 posts
    2 July 2019 in reply to Guest_906

    Sorry to hear your struggles with your not-friend. Although I am not in your situation, I found it very helpful to avoid those toxic people. My real friends became very apparent when my mental health deteriorated. Real friends will be excited you made an effort to come out with them and will encourage and understand.

    I do have a trans friend and while she was transitioning, I was appalled at the things people would say behind her back at work. At the time I was in a very toxic workplace and it was the start of my mental health decline, I was too afraid to stand up for her - I was too afraid of doing anything that would place a larger target on my back. I am ashamed of that but always supported her in every other way.

    I'm not sure if you want (or could) keep this friend, but if you do maybe you could help her by educating her about being trans? Some websites and scientific research about how it is not "just a choice" you made. Maybe she will be more receptive if she knows more. If you need help finding the research let me know.

    Cheers - TT

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10931 posts
    2 July 2019 in reply to Guest_906

    Dear Guest_906~

    Welcome here to the forum, I'm sorry you have had to go though this.

    Some people are not friends, it is as simple as that, and there is little one can say about the reasons why she had changed based upon your post. Perhaps she did not know you were trans to start with or perhaps she has been frequenting with bigoted people - who knows.

    The important thing she is simply downright cruel, and such persons should be shunned, their toxic nature is bad for all who come in contact with them.

    Do you have other friends or family to support you and care? If it was me, even if I did not have anyone else, I'd sooner be by myself. There are plenty of good people to find.

    Do you mind if I give quote from the Desiderata? You may have heard of it, a gentle non religious philosophy set down on paper. I look at it in troubled times to find comfort that others have faced the same troubles as me and gone on.

    Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
    they are vexations to the spirit ...

    ...You are a child of the universe,
    no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.

    I hope you find others here who you can relate to, it is a gentle and healing place





    1 person found this helpful

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