Hi Anxious & Assertive
You're outstanding in so many ways and you have my deep admiration. It's definitely challenging to be outstanding when a lot of the time what we try and do is fly under the radar. Sometimes, to be outstanding gets us labelled (challenging, bi*ch, difficult, crazy and so on). I figure as long as we see our self truthfully, as valuable/worth more than what others may imagine, that's what matters.
While I love to analyse what my brain's doing, why I'm thinking or behaving the way I am, I've found it pays to look at things from 3 perspectives (the magic trifecta), which includes mental, physical and natural.
Mental processing relates to referencing so much stuff. At times, we process what we know, what we don't know, what we need to learn, what we're experiencing at any given time (gaining a greater sense of what's happening in that moment), old beliefs/mental programs, what feelings we're experiencing, what people think of us, where we fit into society, how we're relating to our senses and the list goes on and on. Mental processing can become exhausting.
While physically many of us function in a similar way (heart, lungs, bladder, certain chemical processes etc), it becomes more complex when it comes to how we physically interact with our mental processing. Someone who experiences regular stress or anxiety will more often experience a hyper active brain state and nervous system as well as experiencing somewhat different chemistry.
I find the natural side of things can often be the most interesting facet. While mentally we can work so hard to maintain the often taught persona of 'people pleaser', suddenly we can meet with a whole new sense of self that just won't tolerate one more bit of nonsense. In a first time meeting with this aspect of who we naturally are we can become thoughtless (in a good way). We don't think our way out of saying what comes to mind, we simply vent it while perhaps wondering later 'Where the heck did that come from?'.
Mentally, we can process 'This is what anxiety feels like' or we can process 'This is what great courage and true self love feels like. I'm just not used to feeling it, which is why it feels foreign and uncomfortable'. Naturally you can feel courage interacting with your nervous system as it makes its way from your gut, to your heart, to your throat and out your mouth.
Would you say this experience has led you to discover a new sense of self and it's a matter of 'What do I do now that we've met?'