I'm a 19-year-old male with ASD, ADHD-C, ODD and severe depression for which I have just been prescribed a new anti-depressant (an SNRI). I'm waiting until I hit the 4-6-week mark to see some positive effects, but at the moment, I'm still terribly depressed.
Here are some of the reasons I'm depressed, according to my psychologist:
- No job
- Not currently studying
- No intimate relationship
- No friends
- I don't eat or drink properly
- I don't exercise
I have been longing for a romantic relationship for a while, but I'm hesitant to start dating. This might be my depression talking, but not only am I average looking, I am additionally a carrier of some pretty bad genes, which isn't particularly attractive. Plus, I don't know what girls will think of me or whether they'll even like me. Almost all the girls I've ever known have been very happy, girly -- you know, very neurotypical -- average IQ and it seems like they're only into tall and hot guys, and I'm neither.
Point is, should I bother trying to find love if I'm at the bottom of the dominance hierarchy? Speaking in terms of biology and evolution, I'm not a very attractive mate.
And if I do, should I tell them about my disorders or hide them?
Maybe I'm feeling desperate because I don't know what it feels like to be loved by someone. Or to mean the world to them.
:( :( :(