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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Anyone awake???

Topic: Anyone awake???

23 posts, 0 answered
  1. Wilba
    Wilba avatar
    8 posts
    6 November 2021
    Hi new to the forum usual stuff of can't sleep after a rough day just wondering if anyone is around?
  2. geoff
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    15590 posts
    6 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hello Wilba, thanks for joining the site and yes, I'm awake and would love to hear from you.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    13086 posts
    6 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Wilba ,

    welcome to the site and glad you joined. We are listening . I know that feeling of not being able to sleep. If you want you can tell us about your rough day.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. mmMekitty
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    6 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hello Wilba,

    I was awake when I saw your post, very, very early this morning. I had just logged off, because I had to go to bed, simply had to, so sorry I am not replying until now.

    I'd like to welcome you, & please, could you tell us some more about what has you up so late?

    mmMekitty

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Wilba
    Wilba avatar
    8 posts
    6 November 2021 in reply to mmMekitty
    Thanks guys sorry I can't work out how to reply to all of you

    Sigh it's a long long story basically had a point in my life where I just wanted to die things fell apart with everyone I know and I feel/am totally alone then and still unfortunately one of the people I thought was a friend just wasn't and a nasty situation ended in restraining orders against them the orders ended last month the harassment has started again instantly

    I can feel myself going back to that point where I just feel everyone in my family would be better off without me this would stop without me to hate they would leave the people I love alone I'm so totally exhausted but can't sleep can't stop my brain or the dreams

  6. Wilba
    Wilba avatar
    8 posts
    6 November 2021
    And now I work it out

    Hope you guys got some 😴 got about half an hr woke up with crazy dreams

  7. Sophie_M
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    Sophie_M avatar
    6161 posts
    6 November 2021 in reply to Wilba
    Hi  Wilba,

    We are so sorry to hear about what you're going through; it sounds like it has been a tough time. Thank you for being part of our forums, it takes a lot of courage and strength strength to reach out for support and we are so glad that you have done so. We hope that you can get some support here, the community will be here to listen and chat with you. You can also reach out to Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 14.  We have sent you a private email so that we can support you further.
  8. mmMekitty
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    6 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hello Wilba. Are you in a safe place? That must be your first consideration.

    If you need help with that, call 1800 737 732

    Or in immediate danger call 000

    I would hate for you to do anything that would 'let them win', & be devastating to your family. I'm sure there is a better solution.

    Here for you.

    mmMekitty

  9. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
    5897 posts
    6 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    hi and welcome to the forums.

    I hope you will come back to share of your story. know that you are special and important to the people in this community. It would be so distressing to have to deal with the harassment again.

    also, please do not feel as though you have to respond to each person individually.

    there are also many places on the forums here you can go to ... read others stories, engage in the social section and play a game there. We look after each other here.

  10. geoff
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    7 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hello Wilba, when we begin to feel this way, sometimes our friends say the strangest comments we weren't expecting that may place a wedge between us, and an intervention order needs to be taken out.

    When the time for this to end comes along, it can be taken out once again, simply because they have started doing what they weren't allowed to do previously, so take out another order.

    You can't have this person continually doing this because it will certainly affect you.

    Hope to hear back from you.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    13086 posts
    10 November 2021 in reply to Wilba
    I am awake for a while now , Wilba how are you.
  12. Potato_me 🥔
    Potato_me 🥔  avatar
    2 posts
    11 November 2021
    Hello, I’m still alive
  13. mmMekitty
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    1795 posts
    12 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hello Wilba,

    Checking in, thinking of you.

    Although you might not be wanting to talk right now, you may be reading. I hope so, & see the people here want to support you, talk to you and help in whatever way we are able.

    *

    I want to give a little hoy out to Potato_me🥔 Hello & welcome to the forum.

    Did you say 'hello' in another thread? I'm guessing so, because you have made 2 posts whenI found you here. So I'm glad you are here!

    *

    I am going to try to sleep, 🙀mmMekitty

  14. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    13086 posts
    12 November 2021 in reply to Potato_me 🥔

    Hi potato me ,

    glad to hear you are ok.
    How are things.?

    A big hello to wilba and everyone reading.

  15. Wilba
    Wilba avatar
    8 posts
    12 November 2021

    Hello Potato!

    Thanks everyone and Geoff I never knew we could extend the orders and will talk to court hopefully that can happen

    Thankyou all for your support and advice it's a relief been a few more sleepless nights with a broken internet 😞 amazing how much you play stuff over in your mind with so much time to think and always seem to find a way to blame myself for everything even found a way to blame myself for some bastard swinging a car at me when all I was doing was trying to walk my dog what of shed been hurt

    Which my brain had an off switch

  16. Mk2692
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    107 posts
    12 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hi Wilba,

    Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out here. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time and that's what potentially caused your lack of sleep. I'm sorry to hear your friend wasn't truly a good friend, sometimes situations show what type of friends you truly have.

    It sounds like you blame yourself for some things that have happened in your life. Regardless of what went down, you should forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and we learn from them, that's how we grow and become better. It sounds like you are also going through a lot, have you reached out to family or friends? If you don't want to i would suggest ask your GP to refer you to see a professional like a psychologist or counsellor to talk to about what you are going through, you might feel some relief. It sounds like the events that occurred in your life recently have made you feel lonely. It sounds like you have family around, i'm sure they would like to see you happy and would like to be there for you during this tough time. I'm sure they love you and can't live without you, try to reach out to them if you can.

    In terms of your sleep, have you tried anything to improve your sleep? I would start by having a routine where everyday you sleep at a specific time. Turn off all your electronics at least an hour before going to sleep and do some deep breathing exercises. This can help relax your body and prepare you for sleep. There are also sleeping teas and essential oils such as lavender that may assist in sleeping. Try a routine that works for you and your body and see if that makes a difference. Hope this helps.

  17. mmMekitty
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    12 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hi Wilba,

    It sure is good to hear from you.

    The tricks our brains play! I'm glad you realise there is no possible way you are to blame for the driver swerving their car like that. That would have been awful for you. I take it you both are finem now? Neither of you were hurt, a bit shaken, though.

    Are you able to look at the other things you blame yourself for, because without knowing anything, I am sure many are not because of anything you did. Certainly not 100%, & I don't suppose you did anything on purpose, right?

    When I couldn't sleep, I sometimes get up & write down everything I am thinking & feeling. Just putting it all there. & okay, now, I say, it's there, I can go back to it again, if I need,in the morning. This doesn't need to keep running round my head as if, if it were to stop I'd forget. (Ha!) I don't need to remember, now. It's all there on the page/computer. I found the writing to be a circuit breaker.

    Sorry, it's not an off switch How I'd wished for one of those, too.. .

    It's better if you have some feedback. Keeping everything to yourself, the only response you have is from yourself, & likely to be a reflection of what you already think & feel.

    So, please, you can talk here & we will respond.

    mmMekitty 😸

  18. Wilba
    Wilba avatar
    8 posts
    12 November 2021

    Mekitty I like the writing down idea I'll give that one a try!

    So many things have happened the last few yrs I could fill a book I think there's been the abuse/harassment yep it was him driving that car

    A friend was horribly hurt with lifelong injuries in an accident at my home and I've lost so many of my loved animals some to old age some to accidents that I feel like I should have been able to prevent and each one is like a child to me I guess part of my family and leaving such a huge gap in my life I'm lost without them can't find any happiness in anything anymore it just feels like your just waiting for the horrible things to keep happening

    Thankyou for listening it's been a very long time since there has been someone to talk to

  19. mmMekitty
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    13 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    That's okay, Wilba, I came to talk & listen myself. 😸

    My avatar, that's Mekitty, my cat, who I had for seven years. I struggled with thinking I had not cared for her as well as I could, had not noticed early enough that sh was becoming ill, let alone how serious it was until the night she died. She had suddenly, as far as Icoul dtell , had become very ill, & I got her to the vet, where she stayed overnight, & died before I saw her again.

    Eventually, after autopsy, the Vet explained how her condition couldn't have been predicted, even by himself. Way in the back of my mind I still think I should have noticed something, that I should not have been so distracted by my own sudden loss of hearing in one ear. I know, this sounds awfully harsh even to my own mind, but that was what I felt, & it still echoes back there.

    I never loved any creature more before. I loved her when I first saw her on RSPCA's website. I knew that little ginger kitten was Mekitty.

    So, I expect to miss her, sometimes more than others, but I think by maintaining a version of her in my life, including here on BB, as my avatar & as a sort of fictional character in some fun threads, she lives on & I celebrate her. I haven't 'lost' her in my heart. & now a lot of people know she lived than ever did before.

    About the writing. I wrote thousands of pages. I kept a journal, & I wrote poetry, later I began writing prose & fiction. Much of it incorporates deepest thoughts, feelings & memories. Some is more fictionalised while some is hugely autobiographical. For me, the first place to start was deciding to be as honest & truthful as I could, no censoring anything. (Though I made mistakes while writing & had to scribble & correct asap to go on). It is not easy, messy, & often illegible. I never wanted to read the journals. I want to move my writing into the other directions, to write better. I always start with uncensored first thoughts. Just let it happen.

    Often we feel life always has been & will always be what we feel now. My life, 60+ years of it, tells me otherwise.

    In preparation for horrible events we can learn to be shaken but not broken

    & Wilba, I'm so sorry for the many losses in your life. Losing Mekitty & the death of a childhood friend might not compare with your grief, but I feel I do have some empathy. I know of others here, who will, too.

    mmMekitty

  20. Wilba
    Wilba avatar
    8 posts
    14 November 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    😔 she's beautiful

    Isn't if funny how we do that to ourselves no matter how untrue or crazy the thoughts just stay there

    I'm sorry about your friend and your beautiful ginger girl I bet she sure loved being your mate

  21. mmMekitty
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    14 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    ***Trigger warning, domestic violence***

    Oh rats! I just hit the wrong button again!

    I've been online all day, searching out answers for a safe way to send a fax via my computer, with not fax machine, which I only discovered was possible, this morning. I'm not quite confident with what I need to do, yet. It is times like thee I would like to have someone very handy, someone who knows about computers, online stuff, all that technology - I can't keep up. I barely can think what to google search for.

    It was such a nice day out there,too, except the neighbours thought it was meant for arguing. I find that I can't concentrate on what I am trying to do, even after I determine no one is physically getting hurt.

    I end up feeling really exhausted again, so I did have a snooze earlier.

    They do get me thinking how I used to live with this stuff around me,sometimes targeting me, & wonder how I could have ever felt I was unaffected. All in my head, that.

    Sometimes that's what's struck me most, how what we have experienced has impacted me in ways I had not imagined. I can hardly believe it, that I was in so much risk, & how deeply & widely the effects are.

    all my memories don't seem to fit within the years when they happened.

    the one thing I did,, helped me endure. I had kept parts of my life & the people associated with them, separated in my mind, compartmentalising is. I would still like to do that now, if I knew I could also really keep myself safe, because I didn't.

    Again, though, I was doing the best I could. For a person who was drifting from here to there, not caring where, or to what, because it or I didn't matter. & I felt untouched, or to be honest, told myself that lie to convince myself 'no problems here'. Shoved whatever into my inner room, imagining nothing could get out of there & drifted on.

    I wish I didn't have to spend time & effort trying to sort through my own mind, & just toss it all out, begin again with nothing in there... but I don't know who the person I'd be if I could. I doubt I would be here, talking to you,& others. Maybe I can say something of my own experiences, which will have a small, but helpful effect on them & their lives.

    I don't want all my experiences to be only about damage & pain, or for nothing.

    mmMekitty

  22. Wilba
    Wilba avatar
    8 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to mmMekitty
    Well my experience of you is a gentle and caring soul who was willing to listen when I needed them

    I'm sorry that these things have happened to you my childhood wasn't to amazing either there was violence and the overwhelming memory is being scared sure there are good things and I was never abused but like you it was always around and that's a scary thing

    So you think the putting things Ina room had made it easier or harder? I find I just forget or I say I do it's there bubbling away but if I can just keep forgetting then it seems to hurt less not a good long term solution I guess

    1 person found this helpful
  23. mmMekitty
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    16 November 2021 in reply to Wilba

    Hi Wilba, thank you. It means a lot to me to know people hav someone who listens.

    For a long time, from when I was a teenager up until late 1992, 20 or so years, I thought it was perfect. My thinking was not critical of what I had achieved. I did not register the downside of what I did. I was barely existing, having convinced myself I felt nothing. Nothing got in, & nothing got out.

    Caused me lots of problems. I came out of it feeling I had lied to myself, fooleed myself, & didn't have a clue about what all these emotions were & what to do about them.

    I've spent all the years since early 1993, when I first took myself to see a Psychiatrist, because I was not coping at all. No one seemed to want to help me, or even recognise how much I needed help, as if they could not see what was happening. There were certainly times when I asked someone, when I had panic attacks, too, & no one helped. I felt, as always, on my own, & so I had to get help for myself. I've done that ever since.

    Slowly, I began to gain some understanding, & most feeling have settled of their own accord, even the memories aren't as intrusive, but sometimes... I can be back there, & panic. Sometimes I drift off in my head, & not sure what's going on, what people are saying, not hearing my book reading, or tele, or music either & loose track of time. That's similar, too, to something I did way back then.

    I endured by denying. That's what my inner room was, a place where I could hide everything so no one could get in trouble, I could move from one environment to another, & no one could notice anything wrong.

    I could go out & have dinner at the table, just like always. I could go to school, Come home, visit my friend, & not have a connection between any.

    If I could, sometimes I would again, sometimes I see what it cost me, & wouldn't. My options were limited, & that one may have been the best. Yet, it too, had leaks. So, Iwould not recommend it to anyone, not really.

    I don't think I ever actually forgot any of it. Had I met & trusted someone enough, & had they asked, I would have been able to recall everything. I had simply shoved everything into my shelves in the room, & left them there. Only to feel it all tumble out in a torrent over & over during some months. I could not hold it or myself back, but for short periods of time, like when I had to go out, & not always successfully. ..

    Later,

    mmMekitty

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