Congratulations on your first posts and welcome. What a positive statement to make. This, my first post, is going to be my first step towards a happier future.Way to go Gabba.
This is a safe place for you so continue to use it in the way you see best. It is hard and nasty to go through dark times but when you come out the other side and see the sunshine it is a fantastic feeling. I hope you can get there soon. We will support you.
So sorry you had such dark despair last night and I am very happy you got through. Dreams can be such a trigger for almost anything but it's good to remember we do have great dreams. I like to go over my dreams when I remember them and see what I am trying to tell myself. Sometimes there is only a feeling, a sensation when I wake up but no recollection of the content. Not sure if that is good or bad. Have you tried to work out what your dreams are telling you?
It is good insight to recognise that you have achieved anything and that you can, take comfort from my seemingly small achievements. Knowing your achievements may seem small to others but represent a step forward for you is as good as taking that step. Two for the price of one.
May I ask if you have a physical ailment? Combined with anxiety and/or depression it can make life quite difficult. I ask as I had a post viral fatigue and getting through the shower and dressing was a huge effort. Sometimes I needed to go back to bed afterwards for a short time. Of course it made all the other stuff so much more difficult.
Life is a bit like snakes and ladders. I hope you can stay on the ladders and avoid the snakes. I don't have much liking for them at the best of times. It would be lovely to continue chatting with you.