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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Desperate- please help

Topic: Desperate- please help

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. need_help_please_cc3
    need_help_please_cc3 avatar
    1 posts
    13 May 2020

    I'm a single mother with four children - a fifteen year old daughter, a seventeen year old son and eight year old twin girls. My ex-partner, the former twos father, is currently living abroad with little to no contact. The girls I am ashamed to say were a product of a one night stand but I am please asking for no judgement here. Well...I don't know how to start this. I suppose I'll just be frank. My son and daughter have always been very close, and my son is very protective of his little sister, sometimes to a violent degree. Frequently he has been in serious trouble at school, thrice even suspended due to a whole range of different "defences", including swearing at teachers, bashing up her bullies and threatening her boyfriends. He also gets into much trouble unrelated to her. Thankfully he has been able to avoid any real trouble with the law but we have had some very close calls. He is a really smart kid though, I mean really smart (he read The Prince, Caesar's Commenteries, The Art of War, and a whole host of other ridiculously advanced titles at age ten, and was interested in advanced physics and computer science from age five) and great at sports. He used to be very outgoing and popular, but ever since year 9 he has been a bit of an outcast due to increasingly strange and hostile behaviours which I am sorry to say I ignored in the vain hope they would get better. They did not.My daughter on the other hand has always been very sweet and dolice. My twins are wild, always running amuck outside but she always preferred to stay inside watching documentaries or playing with dolls. They were always close, forever playing together, and as they grew older often in close contact eg. cuddling on the couch and at the time I always dismissed this as normal. As she grew older she became more rebellious, I think in part because of her brother's influence, but nothing serious. Anyway the two of them went out for an afternoon walk around 3 o clock yesterday (they still haven't returned) and so I was cleaning in my daughters room. While making her bed I found a sparkly notebook, obviously a diary. I know it's wrong of me but I have always been nosy so I just couldn't help myself. Besides what secrets could a 15 year old girl have right??? It started off ordinary, just talking about gossip and school. But then around thirty pages in things took a terrifying turn. She started talking of feeling depressed, wanting to hurt herself. Like a fish I was gutted. I had no idea.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5948 posts
    13 May 2020 in reply to need_help_please_cc3
    Hi need_help_please_cc3,

    It seems like your daughter is going through a tough time at the moment and I can understand why you would find this so upsetting as well. To add to that the situation is even more complicated because the importance of respecting your daughter's privacy while balancing the priority of keeping her safe.

    Outside of the support that our posters can offer at this forum, I would also consider calling Kids Helpline for some advice on dealing with the situation: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/supporting-child-who-thinking-suicide

    There is also Parentline, which is a helpline oriented towards helping parents:
    https://parentline.com.au/

    I can hear that you are feeling very hurt and confused about your daughter, so please know that support is out there to help you and your family through this difficult time.
  3. Deckt
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Deckt avatar
    195 posts
    13 May 2020 in reply to need_help_please_cc3

    Hey there.

    I would suggest, if possible, talking to your daughter, without mentioning that you have read her diary. It is a significant breach of trust, and if she is already feeling isolated/alone/rejected by the world, it will not help her.

    Maybe if you just sit her down for a casual chat? "Hey, it's been a while since we've had a good mother/daughter chat. How's everything going in your life?" This may be enough to prompt her to open up.

    If it doesn't. Maybe you could have a general talk about mental health things. Possibly "you know, with all of this COVID stuff, I find that I'm struggling a bit sometimes." Making it about you. Dredging up my memories of being a teenager, I remember that it seemed like adults had it ALL worked out, and just wouldn't understand. If you put it out that you are struggling (even if it's a bit exaggerated), this might reassure her that she can talk to you.

    Best of luck, hope this helps.

    Hugs, Dt.

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