Hi again Mary, I can relate to your reluctance, I feel the same and also shame that I am not stronger. Anxiety and mental health issues run in my family and I have been aware for years of the need to take care of myself. I had resigned myself to being on medication indefinitely, even though some side effects bothered me a little, I knew I was on some pretty powerful stuff when if I forgot to take it for one night I would wake up feeling like I had been hit by a bus. I had the need to renew my script at one point and because my dr was out of town, i had to see another dr. He looked at my file and said ..YOU HAVE BEEN ON THIS MEDICATION FOR A LOT OF YEARS, have you ever thought of coming off it. Well at that time i was well, enjoying a very fulfilled life. I have always been into sports and was very actively involved in a sporting club having the time of my life travelling, competing and making great new friends, working as much or as little as i wanted, husband who was happy to support all these things, great kids making their own way through life, trips on the horizon, what did I have to be on meds for, life was truly a blessing. So I spoke with my GP and weaned myself off.
Almost 10 months later and the rot has set in. Relationship struggles, not husband, we've been there done that and things good with us I hope, left my beloved sporting club due to conflicts with members, other struggles with people I thought were friends, and estranged from beloved sister who also has mental health issues. Mother, also with mental health issues needing care, but gets abusive and lays on the guilt trip. Lucky I do have sisters who support here. I haven't done so much, because I've been too scared to get dragged down, so have been on the perimeter offering support to sisters mostly.
So I guess my reluctance to be on meds is mostly due to my need to feel I should be able to cope given the wonderful life I have been blessed with, as well as my need to be healthy and active and avoid medication if possible. It's a combination of things really I guess.
I will speak to my GP, he knows me very well. I sincere,y appreciate your concern Mary. Take care.