Hi all


I have just joined the forums. My short story is: I have been through an immense amount of change in the past few months and and feeling completely overwhelmed, and have developed what I feel is some quite severe depression.


My wife and I made the decision to separate about 8 months ago but it was only two months ago that she moved out. About the time that we decided to separate I had a car accident and the combination of that and the separation led to me deciding to resign from my job where I had been for ten years. Whilst I have been doing some contract work in the past couple of months it hasn’t been the most stable situation and I have been having to work by myself a lot.


I am still living in our family home (where we’ve been for more than ten years) although have sold it and will be moving out in about a month.


Our separation was quite amicable but our three kids are doing it bit tough as well.


I start a new role in a couple of months but am feeling very anxious about it and am not at all confident I will be able to be successful. And am very worried about what I’ll do if that doesn’t work out.


So I have a great deal of time by myself, caught up inside my head, and am having a lot of very negative thoughts. Guilt, lack of self confidence, worry about the future, worry about financial security are all at play. I am noticing many depressive symptoms including low energy, poor sleep, lack of appetite, low motivation, inability to make decisions amongst others.


At times it is all feeling so incredibly overwhelming.


It is good to be able to write all this down and from the little I have seen there are some wonderful supportive people on these forums so thank you for reading and I hope to be able to do what I can to contribute to others’ situations too.

Thank you so much birdy for your thoughtful reply. You have absolutely confirmed my feelings about these forums and the support provided.

”Anchorless” is very accurate. At the moment I don’t feel I have any safe place - no regular work, home is empty and cold. I do have a number of friends who have been very supportive and who I am talking too. But they can’t be there 24/7 and neither should I expect them to be.

I have been to the GP and have visited a psych for several sessions. Am on medication which I think is helping.

However I am recognising that the main solutions ultimately have to come from within me - the GP and psych can’t “fix” they can only “support”. It is a combination of things I need to do relating to mindset, routines, sleep (this is huge - I am not sleeping well at all).

At the moment it just feels really hard. But getting such a wonderful response from a complete stranger does certainly help, so thank you again.

Thanks for sharing B bear. Whilst I wouldn’t wish you to feel how i’m feeling at the moment, I do appreciate knowing that I am not alone in feeling like that. I totally agree that being busy is key.

Good of luck with your journey and whilst i am not a doctor I would certainly say don’t be afraid to give the medication a go.

Thanks again birdy for your wonderful reply. I can see why you are a “valued contributor”.

Agree about the new house. Should hopefully feel like a fresh start, moving on.

I am just about to make myself some dinner, with incense and music. And a glass of wine (one is okay, I think).

That certainly does help. As it feels productive.

Thanks for checking in Birdy. It has been an up and down couple of days. Right now am feeling not too bad but have had some pretty tough moments over the past 48 hours. Am heading interstate for work tonight which is good as it gets me into a different location (although I am still isolated not that different location).

I have listened to a few meditations so thanks for that suggestion.

Really appreciate your support.

Thanks Birdy. Trip interstate was okay - nice to be somewhere different.

Agree with getting the mind distracted - I will give the forums a look - distraction is THE key to managing through all this.

Kids are doing pretty well all all things considered. Fortunately as mentioned my (ex) wife and I are in very amicable terms and I am sure it will stay that way. I think we both care about each other and the kids too much to resort to poor behaviour towards each other. So I think the kids are at least just dealing with logistical issues mostly, rather than serious emotional ones.

Thanks once again for your support. It really is making a difference to how I am feeling.

Hi Blueguy,

I am completely new to this and this is my first post. I'm in a similar situation, separation imminent, 2 great older kids, 16 and 19, and a lot of time up my sleeve. I'm trying to start a new business which may not be successful which is also stressful.

Sleep is difficult but helping others has been a good distraction for me. Exercising has been my solace too. I'm trying to do good self care too, like eating well and keeping alcohol intact lowish.

What you are going through, similar to myself could deteriorate into a crisis situation so I recommend being self aware as to how you feel. If you feel you are running at a 5 or less out of 10, then try and spring some actions into place to enjoy life more. (This is really a note to myself).

I really feel for you and wish you the very best. If you need someone to talk to at any time, I think calling lifeline 13 11 14 can be very useful too, as well as coming on here.

My situation is similar to yours so I think I know some of your struggle. Managing thoughts I find at times the most difficult for me. I'm trying to dream a good future and by golly, I want it. I hope we both score that great future.

Wishing you the best.

Frak

Thanks very much Frank. Sorry to hear about what you’re going through but thank you for sharing.

agree with taking action and not letting the thoughts take over. But taking action can be really hard.

Also agree that helping others is a wonderful way to feel Breyer and also with your diet and alcohol suggestions. In short, I agree with everything you said!

Wishing you the best too. I trust that the universe will hopefully look after people who are good people and it sure sounds like you are.

Thats fine, my name is Frank so autocorrect was right. I did register as Frak to be more unique but now I can't change it.

Yes, Taking action is really hard and sometimes, I feel like a boxer who gets knocked to the canvas, but I keep getting up again, and again. If nothing else we become good role models for our kids. Never say die, I say.

I hope you can find enjoyment, I want to find more of it myself.

regards and best wishes

Well hi Frank!

We have to keep getting up. I agree. As you said that is how we will become good role models.

But it is hard. I have never had trouble getting out of bed in the morning (I always bounced out) but now it is hard. Making decisions is hard. Which it has never been previously.

I trust from all the success stories that I hear that we can get through this. But right at the moment it feels very difficult.

Thanks once again birdy. Appreciate your thoughts as always.

One minute at a time is right. Today I am setting me and the kids the task of a big tidy up/clean out ahead of our move in two weeks.

Not the most enjoyable job but at least there will be some small sense of achievement at the end of it.

Dear Blueguy and Birdie,

I am getting some piece of mind reading your posts. I am inspired by you Blueguy, that you can look ahead and, see a small improvement by tackling the cleanup job is a step in the right direction.

Today my wife and I work out the money/asset split situation.

If I can view it as a job needing to be done well for all involved then that will be another step forward. I will have to be mindful to assert my rights because I am the one losing financially out of this. It bugs me because I was the financially sensible one saving as much as possible and she was the spender.

Focusing well on one job at a time is important.

Wishing you all the best blueguy.

Frak

Thanks Frank. I am equally impressed by how you seem to be moving things forward. The financial separation is one of the hardest parts of the whole thing so well done on focussing on getting through that.

Agree on asserting your rights but my advice is not to keep the focus on the big rocks not the small ones. Don’t cause yourself unnecessary pain over something that in a few years’ time won’t matter to you.

Tough times but getting through them will make us stronger. I am hopeful that this will arm us well for whatever else the universe throws at us!!

I mean “keep the focus on the big rocks”!

My typing hasn’t been the best lately!

Dear Blueguy,

Thanks Blueguy,

That is quite a concept to look 2 years ahead and imagine where we will be at.

I hope both of us gain muscle or toughness during this period of our lives. A little planning and taking a day at a time is where I'm at. I've lost focus on the business at the moment so I need to rein it back in. Time to knuckle down and go hard.

Frak

Thanks once again Birdy.

over the past week I feel like things have been trending in the right direction.

Am moving on Wednesday which feels really good.

Start my my new job in just over two weeks. Nervous but overall it will be a net positive.

Thank you again to you and Frank for your support. Knowing that people care makes it easier to get through the tough days.

Thanks Blueguy,

I'm also feeling more optimistic over the last week.

Going on overseas next month for a holiday where I know getting away will help me.

When I come back I will be working hard to earn money and becoming the person I am meant to be.

Yeea,

I'm ready. I am thinking of you Blueguy and sending you lots of energy too.

regards

Frank

Great to hear Frank. Getting away to a different location, at least for a while, will make a big difference, I am sure. And when you get back I’m sure you’ll be ready to take on the challenges of your business.

I moved three days ago and feel a lot better already. The new location, and having a lot to do there, gives me much more to focus on.

Wishing you a great holiday and continued lifting of your spirits.

Thanks Blueguy,

Thanks, I remind myself often, what I focus on, I feel.

So I focus a lot more every day on the good stuff. It has changed my outlook by a huge amount. The shitty stuff needs to be put into context because the good stuff is there too and I need to appreciate it more.

The holiday will be a good break and then most of the time can be spent correcting, bit by bit the shitty stuff.

I'm hoping the new location gives you a lot more, in lots of ways.

Cheers

Frank

Hi Frank and Birdy.

Just wanted to let you know that I started my new role this week. The combination of moving house and the new role has made a huge difference. I am feeling a great deal better than I was.

once again I really appreciate all your support over recent weeks. It has without doubt been the toughest time of my life and the support I have received from a range of people, including yourselves has helped make it manageable.

Thanks again