Hi Dee. I'm new here too, welcome to BB and the forums. Good on you for reaching out and posting here. I hope you find support from Beyond Blue and others such as mental health professionals.
I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling. If it makes you feel any better, I know how you feel. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, etc. since I was 12, I'm 20 and I'll be 21 this year now. Sometimes it can be reassuring to know that you're not alone, as heartbreaking as it is. But trust me, I know how alone you feel. You feel like no one cares and understands you. I'm so sorry you feel this way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your children also, that's heartbreaking. But at least you still have a good relationship with them, so I guess as sad as the situation is, that's one positive part about it. I know it would be better for you to be closer to them and whatnot though, I'm sorry. I'm sure they still love you and they understand.
I'm sorry that you had a surgery too, I hope you're recovering well. I had a surgery in November 2018 last year, it was my first surgery, pretty unexpected and major, let's just say if I didn't have it, well you know. I wouldn't be here. I'm thankful for that as traumatic as it was, and still is really. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I hope you have a speedy recovery.
I also know how lonely you feel, of course I don't have any kids or siblings, just my parents and myself with our Dog (in my profile picture, he's an 11 year old Fox Terrier named Buddy), I'm pretty housebound myself for a few reasons. Some days I don't mind, other days I hate it.
Maybe you could try some art whether it's drawing, tracing stuff, sketching, writing, painting, anything at all? There's lots of forms of art, and I think whatever it is, it's a good way to express yourself. I also find that colouring in can be relaxing, for me anyway. Johanna Basford colouring books are lovely, detailed but not too much detail, and you can take however long you like, even do what I do and colour in something over a certain time frame, a couple of hours or days maybe, up to you. I also recommend a free colour by numbers app called Happy Colour, that's fun and addictive and you get rewards for completing things on there (for example colour 5 pictures). I also listen to music and walk my Dog, I love walking.
I hope you find some support, and that you can see your children more. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, truly.
Please take care. Much love and hugs,