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Forums / Welcome and orientation / First time using an online Forum

Topic: First time using an online Forum

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Theunknown
    Theunknown avatar
    5 posts
    1 August 2019

    Hello to all.

    As stated this is my first time in using any type of online forum in any respect. All a bit daunting really, to know I have the ability to lay it all out for people I do not know. Conversely, everybody on here is doing the same thing and I know to me that indicates courage so that certainly provides me with the confidence in what this is all about.

    I have been with my partner for 15 years and married to her for the last 10. We have 7 children between us, two of these are from our marriage two from my previous marriage and 3 from her previous marriage. There are only four that live with us as the other children have grown and moved onto their own lives.

    My wife separated from me 5 years ago as she had fallen in love with a man from her teenage years. I was already depressed and slipped deeper into that depression to a point that I had failed attempt at my own life. I was provided with help after this and my mental health improved. My wife moved into my home some 6 months after this and we worked on our relationship and things were great and probably better than ever.

    Today I inspect a unit that if successful I need to move to alone. My wife has "fallen out of Love" and likely this is the end of the marriage.

    I am handling this the best that I can, given the circumstances, but I have come here to this group because I know what lies ahead for me, and I do not want to wait until it is potentially too late to try and look after myself.

    Without being selfish I will look for support or encouragement where I can find it here but I shall also share any insight into my first-hand knowledge of how Depression, Anxiety, and Suicide had an effect on me, those around me and maybe just maybe that can help someone else. It's the dark quiet nights alone after 15 years that I know are coming and these scare me the most.

    2 people found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9377 posts
    1 August 2019 in reply to Theunknown

    Hi, welcome

    So, that's quite a family and that would have kept you both busy- now it will be quiet and thinking time becomes grief time. I know too well the point that you are at.

    So, back in 1996 I also had a failed attempt at my own life and one week later left my wife and two young kids. That alone period for 3 months or so was a terrible time. Then it all changed overnight. In the country town I relocated to I lived in my 11ft caravan. I noticed and conversed with- several single dads also estranged from their wives but many had been there many years. I didn't like the prospect of becoming a permanent resident of that caravan park.

    I walked lot and one night spotted a vacant block of land in a small town nearby. I got it at auction. From then on I didn't have time to think about the past and dwell away. clearing the land, billy for tea, then relocating my garage as part of my settlement, then erecting a kit home with the help of a builder for 10 days then all by myself I finished it.

    I learned a valuable lesson- distraction and hard work leaves the grief behind. Also over time another lesson- time heals then life goes on usually better than ever before. Two years ago I walked my daughter down the aisle. I'd told her once of my attempt on my life. As we got set to enter the church she said "thanks for making sure you got here dad", then I recalled my last words to myself before I left the family home some 21 years earlier "better to be a part time dad than no dad at all".

    So I commend you for seeking help now to safeguard your life and well being. You are putting your family first and you are very much valued by them. Children are resilient so they will adapt. This time now is for you, to get to know yourself better and appreciate yourself.

    I have selected several threads I think you will benefit from. Just read the first post of each-

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/suicidal-thoughts-and-self-harm/low-self-esteem-mirrors-to-recovery

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---it-helped-me-for-25-years

    There is also an organization called DIDS- dads in distress that has been going for about 20 years or so.

    https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/australian-health-services/service/30150371/virtual/telephone-counselling/dads-in-distress-support-services

    2 people found this helpful
  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9377 posts
    1 August 2019 in reply to white knight

    Sorry, clicked the wrong button

    We are here 24/7/365. While we encourage counseling and a visit to your GP for symptoms like anxiety and so on you can post/reply here at any time. You can use the search bar for any topic like- grief, relationship split etc

    I hope you are ok.

    TonyWK

  4. Theunknown
    Theunknown avatar
    5 posts
    1 August 2019 in reply to white knight

    White Knight, I thank you for sharing.

    I absolutely understand the need for distraction and keeping busy. I need to find the will or the drive to function properly. Probably my largest hurdle at this present stage. Just to actually do something or even the will to do it.

    I have followed the links and I appreciate the words, advice, and story amongst them. It is a credit to you to pick yourself up. I need to find the hobby, the interest or the distraction for me. Finances always, if we like it or not always have some bearing. The interests that I once had are not something I can pursue. I leave with less than when I arrived. I can say that fossicking is a great thing. I do it myself and occasionally get out with my detector and get some outdoor time. Because it is not overly vigorous shall we say it is very easy for the mind to wander back to things you are trying to avoid. This maybe a thing for me once I get a bit further down the road.

    My children are my driving force for looking after myself. I know they need me.

    I will be taking a look at the Prem Rawat media. I am not religious but it does not mean that the fundamental elements and context do not apply to better well being.

    I appreciate your response and am happy for you that you navigated an extremely difficult time in your life to find you came out the other side. Thank You.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15559 posts
    3 August 2019 in reply to Theunknown

    Hello Theunknown, thanks for posting your comment and a special thanks to Tony for providing all these links.

    The interests that I once had are not something I can pursue and if this does happen then you only go around in circles and the same would have happened to me once the divorce went through and the house was sold, so I was put into another environment, renting and living by myself.

    I had to change the direction I was heading in, everything I had once done before was put behind me so I did something that I never thought I would be doing and when I was asked to do something I had previously done, I just said 'no' I couldn't because I wasn't interested.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful

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