welcome to the forum. I am so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. Grief is experienced differently by everyone and it can take you by surprise by its strength.
geoff and Sophie have given you helpful suggestions.
below is a grief helpline
GriefLine Community & Family
Griefline listens, cares and supports people experiencing loss and grief at any stage in life. They manage Australia’s only dedicated loss and grief national telephone counselling service. They provide support and specialist counselling services to individuals and families. They also have a free online email service which is available 24 hours per day every day of the year.
Call: 1300 845 745
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org Website: griefline.org.au
You are not alone and there is support here.
it seems like things won’t change but talking to someone who understands can help.