I'm 61and I somehow thought that I would have sorted this stuff out by now.
Oh I've got a few issues like most people but at the moment it's my job that's causing me the most stress.
Due to my years of experience I was given a slightly more responsible position in my new job , however I am considerably older than everyone and initially was practically ignored and given menial tasks, to the point that I would drive home crying in my car .
Then after a few weeks they realised I knew what I was doing and started berating me for "not stepping up"
So I just kept to doing the less skilled tasks and excelling at them. Leading to more remarks.
By this time I have lost all confidence in myself, I assume they all hate me , laugh at me and talk behind my back .So I start taking time off, more and more and I'm lying to my husband saying I'm going to work every day I handle the finances so he dosent realise.
But this just makes me hate myself more , I can't bear him to look at me the same way they do so I don't tell him
I am so tired all the time I can't sleep, I ve had anxiety and depression before and I can't bear to rock up to my GP and get the antidepressants that I can't tolerate.
I don't think I'm a bad person, I would never intentionally make anyone else feel bad, so what is it about me that is unlikeable,
I keep saying right pull yourself together and I can fake it but not for long.
This reads a bit pathetic, I'm sorry