Thank you for your message. I don't do live chat, never have felt comfortable with that.
I have things I can do but my spark and love for anything is gone. I'm just doing it to get by but for how long? I run, I work, I have family, pets. My sport was my therapy and it's gone. The social aspect of it, they were my mates. Sport was a way to forget about the drudgery of normal suburban life. Sure I'm greatful for many things. But it's not good enough to be strung on week to week in lockdown. It feels cruel, regardless of the logic.
I have bought a trampoline and water colour paints to give me some other things to do. I'm just waiting for them to arrive.
Writing was once a creative outlet. I used to write about fun things, alas invention is difficult in my current mindset. As for helping, I spend most my days helping others. Visiting a friend who's injured, checking if everyone is ok, and in my work.
No one would really want to know how I'm going. It's too difficult and sounds selfish.
Really I'm withdrawing from having high doses of adrenaline coursing through me to zero. I have tried replacing it with nicotine for 8 weeks or so but I decided to quit on that. I really don't know anyone who could appreciate what it feels to grieve for what I've lost. Grieving is grgrieving.i don't want to lose my strength, fitness and gusto which is extremely hard to replicate outside of my sports club and gym.
Atm I highspeed roller-skate a few times a week (alone), run 5km every day(alone), do some weights(alone), eat well(alone), don't drink, have a Loving family who all do there own thing. Yet, this has grabbed at me so very tight. Even if I can just vent here and have one person understand rather than try fix me would be great. I'm doing all I can already to try fix myself, but I just don't find joy in it. Omg I sound so complainy. Sorry.
I know I need to have something to feel good about. A skate and a 5km run doesn't cut it. I do not want to be a person who's life keeps shrinking but I have to accept and settle just to pretend everything is ok. I'm scared of the future as there's no reassurance or stability.