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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Hello. I am new.

Topic: Hello. I am new.

17 posts, 0 answered
  1. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    15 April 2021

    I came here as I am finding it hard to cope with a lot of things happening in my life right now. I am usually the strong one who HAS to keep everything together but I am broken.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5646 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to tld123
    Hi tld123, 

    Life can get hard to cope with sometimes and we are sorry to hear that you are struggling with so many things that are happening for you right now. It must be so difficult to be there for everyone else and then try to cope with all of your stuff on your own. We recognise that you see yourself as broken and wondering if you need to have a bit of a rest and look after yourself at this time.

    If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

    There are supports available for you to access and you are not alone. Please keep returning to the forums and connect with the community. We are here to support and offer a safe space for likeminded people.
     
  3. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie_M,

    The talk line recommended I come here.

  4. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    11882 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to tld123

    Tld

    Welcome to the forums which is a friendly and supportive place.

    It seems like everyone in your life depends on you but you need to care for yourself.
    I am sorry you are broken, Maybe you are exhausted for caring after others.

    if you want to explain how you feel there is support here.

  5. missep123
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    missep123 avatar
    771 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to tld123

    Hi tld123,

    Welcome to the forums, we are definitely here to listen and support you.

    Please reach out to us with however you are feeling.

    I find that the forums are a great place to realise that we are not alone and others are here for us or know how we are feeling

  6. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to quirkywords
    Honestly, I am not sure anyone actually cares outside lip service.
  7. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to missep123
    Ok. Long story short. Have been with my husband since 1999. Life was great until COVID, death in the family in May last year...my husbands father. It flicked a switch in him and he will not talk to me about it but happy to with anyone and everyone else. He was out constantly getting near black out drunk with his friends and then, up and left me in December. We live on the GC and his father died in Melbourne, so there has even yet to be any actual "real" style funeral. He's acting distant and has since around August last year. In one of his drunken rants late last year, he said he wanted a divorce as he didn't want to live in a loveless marriage like his dad did. Then he will flick and say he loves me. 2 days ago, he flicked back again. It's a lot as I also have daughters who witnessed his change in personality and this rollercoaster. Even with having to be emotionally supportive to them, I also have to just "keep on" doing ALL the things I do. Yesterday was the anniversary of my own dad who passed in 2018. ALL of this prior and then yesterday and all that comes with that, has left me VERY broken. The rollercoaster will continue but I reached out as I was close to breaking point.
  8. Chunty
    Chunty avatar
    103 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to tld123
    Dear Lady, All I can say is I feel for you and understand what you are going thru. You have got alot on your plate. You did the right thing reaching out to the community for moral support.There are some fabulous people here.Please think of yourself and try to get some professional help to guide you in the right direction. Remember you are not alone. The community forum are here anytime you need to vent.Take care ok?🌷☺️Chunty
    1 person found this helpful
  9. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    16 April 2021 in reply to Chunty

    Hi Chunty,

    Thank you. I just feel at rock bottom at the moment as our daughters ( both young adults) also feel abandoned. His method is clearly flight over flight so even them wanting to tell him how they too feel, is wasted. Any interaction he has with them is surface small-talk and IF they even broach how they are feeling with him...he will say.. "I am not doing this right now" and hang up. He has not at any point taken ANY of OUR feelings into account and frankly, I am now seeing him showing very narcissistic qualities. IF his father dying is the MAIN crux here ( I believe it is), he hasn't even taken into account WE ALSO are grieving that loss. So, right now, I have my OWN emotions to deal with, while having to be strong for the girls andsuport them, as well as having to keep all our financial stuff afloat. So, yesterday, I just cracked. My daughters don't need me dumping these emotions on them. I just feel very alone.

  10. missep123
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    missep123 avatar
    771 posts
    17 April 2021 in reply to tld123

    Hi tld123,

    That really does sound difficult.We can feel alone when we don't feel heard or emotionally supported. It sounds like it is also a very confusing time with your partner's changes in emotions and behaviours.

    How are your daughters feeling about it all?

    Have you thought about potentially seeking a mental health professional to speak to about this?

    I can understand that you have a lot on your plate too and that you and your daughters are also going through a grieving process. It can feel like a lot is on our shoulders when these things pile up on each other.

    I'm really glad though that you reached out to the forums here, I look forward to hearing from you!

  11. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    17 April 2021 in reply to missep123

    Hi Missep,

    Ironically, in one of his "moments" he claimed he didn't feel loved by us, when all we have done, is support him. I know the past year and a bit has been A LOT for everyone and as such, has caused personal "shift" in each and every one of us. EVERYONE has been affected by Covid alone even without other things that happen. The fact he doesn't even realise how much it has all affected US TOO, as individuals, is heartbreaking.

    Our daughters feel completely and utterly abandoned and betrayed by him. We have always been "ride or die" together as a family for 20 years and then one day, he just bolts and leaves the 3 of us dazed and confused.

    Also yes, have sought assistance from MHP's and it's circular and it's actually like, they don't have anything but "post it" assumptions to make as to just HOW I am feeling. I came HERE to interact with people who have actually walked a mile in the same shoes, rather than just pigeonholed people into an alphabetical box, based purely on their theoretical or even "hypothetical" understanding OF such issues.

  12. Chunty
    Chunty avatar
    103 posts
    17 April 2021 in reply to tld123

    Hello dear Lady, Please believe that the community in the forum do care and understand that you are broken with having to cope with so much happening at once in your life. You have to think of yourself and follow Sophia,s advice and talk to a counsellor on the support line. They are fabulous caring people and will guide and support and you. You are struggling and it is hard to take so much on board when you dont feel well yourself. I do commend you for taking the initiative to still be involved with the community. Take care Dear Lady and listen to Sophia.Bye😙🍒

  13. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    18 April 2021 in reply to Chunty

    Hello Chunty,

    I have already interacted with the phone support people Sophia suggested and THEY suggested I sign up here.

  14. Chunty
    Chunty avatar
    103 posts
    18 April 2021 in reply to tld123
    Hello tld123. That,s great, you are doing your best. The main thing is to feel you are not alone and that you have the opportunity to know that the community and I do care for you and give you moral support. I do feel it is good to know that others are aware of your emotions and the difficulties you have to deal with. Personanaly, some of my difficulties and situation, cant be changed, but I found that since I have been with BB has been a great thing as I dont feel so alone. Did the support counsellors suggest any referrals to ease you of your struggles? Have they suggested a Psychologist? Try to be kind to yourself and just remember we do understand and care for you. Keep on being in touch. Ok?😍😉 Forgive my spellings.
  15. tld123
    tld123 avatar
    8 posts
    18 April 2021 in reply to Chunty

    Yes they suggested that but then found out too, that I am a psychologist myself and have been since 1996. I suppose it makes it difficult for me also at times like this as I KNOW the "advice" like the back of my hand. As such all I am hearing is what I would say to others and I have realised clearly now that not all advice "fits all". That in itself has also made its own conundrum within me as I have just in the past, treated people in a "one size" situation as I (feel) is the case too with me.

  16. ChrisBr
    ChrisBr avatar
    5 posts
    20 April 2021 in reply to tld123
    Hi tld123 I'm new here today. Sorry to hear how you feel but you are not alone. I have been having health issues - major fatigue - for 8 weeks. This has left me feeling severely anxious and depressed. Can't eat or sleep and feel broken as well. Off to GP again today hopefully for some answers or relief from all this. Such a horrible time!
  17. missep123
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    missep123 avatar
    771 posts
    22 April 2021 in reply to tld123

    Hi tld123,

    I hear you, especially since you are a psychologist and you mentioned knowing the advice well. I really think that in this case you are the expert in your own experience, I hope that at the least we can provide you with an open space here on the forums to interact with all of us and that you will feel supported

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