Hi, I'm a year 12 student turning 18 pretty soon and have struggled with mental health issues my entire life
Great first liner for an introduction, I know, but unfortunately it's the truth. I've struggled a lot with finding people to relate to around my age due to the condition I have among other things. I have the pleasure of having the condition CAIS (complete androgen insensitivity syndrome) which means, in the most basic terms, that I am a female who was born without a uterus. That means that I am characterised as being 'Intersex'. it's a fun lil thing to be in certain situations, like when someone tells you that there are only 'two sexes' when arguing about something completely different, being gender. other than roasting people who say gender and sex are the same things, there aren't many ups.
I've never met someone my age that has my condition, or even who is intersex. Even if I did meet another person who was, I'm scared I won't have the same interests as them and then being intersex is all that I would talk about to them. this feeling of overwhelmingly being alone has led to my passive suicidal behaviour as I've been told. I'm getting better now as my antidepressants begin to slowly work more and more but I clearly remember points in my life where I didn't care if I lived or died but wasn't actively seeking to die. I'm sad that it's gotten to this point, honestly, I am. I spent all my younger teen years helping my friends with their body image issues, their ED's, feeling alone and now that I'm nearly 18... well... I look back and I realise I didn't have many people to talk to myself. there weren't many people who understood the condition. there aren't many medical professionals who know about the condition either. Gynecologist side it's fine, but there aren't any psychologists in my city who know or are familiarised with the condition.
I don't even know why I'm writing this, to be honest with you. I started off my last year of school with the hope that things would get better but I know that wishing or just wanting it isn't enough. I need to actually do something to help myself to get better but lack the motivation to try because it's never worked out in the past.
for my final graphic design piece this year, I made an artwork depicting a male figure drowning underwater, laying on his back as if he's made impact with the water and gone unconscious. his hand is reaching out to his phone in desperation. I guess this is my way of doing the same.