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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Help with pain from infidelity

Topic: Help with pain from infidelity

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Blossk77
    Blossk77 avatar
    2 posts
    28 September 2019
    I’m after some support from those who have experienced infidelity in their marriage. And those who have worked hard to salvage what they have. My husband cheated on me with a family friend and I caught them naked together (not engaged in sex). We have been working HARD for 4 weeks since I discovered the affair, and I truly believe we will work it out. Many factors lead to this (not self blaming...just being real). I could really benefit from support from those who have been through this and survived. I need guidance on the process, and how long I will feel this immense grief.
  2. Rusty00000000
    Rusty00000000 avatar
    3 posts
    28 September 2019 in reply to Blossk77
    Hi I just discovered the last year of my life has been a lie ,my wife has cheated with men and woman and has been disgusting that when I wasn't there would get the people in for sex this has destroyed me ,but I'm not going to let it beat me when the anxious feeling come ,I rethink, re set life ,re adjust , as many times as it takes ,,we are not to blame we are good hearted and loving people that deserve better please message me if you need surport I now the he'll you are in,,,head up walk forward look forward please never look back ,,,Rusty
  3. Rusty00000000
    Rusty00000000 avatar
    3 posts
    28 September 2019 in reply to Rusty00000000
    And we will survive but it's a long long rd ahead to recovery a few years it's sad we have to carry the hurt
  4. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16228 posts
    28 September 2019 in reply to Blossk77

    Hello Blossk, and a warm welcome to the site.

    It's not easy to post a comment like this but thank you for doing so, and maybe with them not engaged in sex but still naked, still doesn't make his trust to be restored, it has to be earned back.

    The worst part of this is to find out that the person you love might be falling in love with somebody else and not knowing the full extent of what has been happening and to believe what has been said.

    You may have good days and then your bad days, but you need to know that it may have nothing to do with you, or your partner’s satisfaction with the relationship but if you want to stay in the relationship you will have to forgive, that doesn't mean accepting what has happened, but talking it through with a counsellor.

    The family friend should not be contacted again, that's the beginning to earn the trust back between you both and if this has been broken, then you need to make a decision, but I hope the very best for you.

    Please get back to us at any time you like.

    Geoff.

  5. Doc1961
    Doc1961 avatar
    1 posts
    6 December 2021 in reply to Blossk77

    Hello Blossk77's

    I am 60 yo and have been with my partner for 40 years - we have 4 kids aged 27 to 33.

    In 2012 i found out my partner was having an affair with a employee that was 20 years her junior. She was his boss. I would like to tell you that after nearly 10 years its gotten easier, however it hasnt ! quite possibly the reason it hasnt become easier is that i believe ( based on facts) that she still lies about exactly what happened.

    I maybe in a different position to you and others in that - i have since 2012 studied behaviours and believe she is a complete narcissist and although after many discussions she says she sees how i think that she does not believe she is. it is easy to look up the term and take from it what you will to suit your circumstances but the reality is you either fit the criteria or you don't, please keep in mind there are many types of narcissists - grandiose, Vulnerable etc etc but nevertheless all are narcissists and they will always have trouble believing they are as typical of the NPD ( narcissistic personality disorder) that they are like this or have these disorders.

    Whether or not we decide what or who they are is irrelevant to how they actually are or how they see themselves. In most if not all cases they can not ( unfortunately) change who they are - in nearly all case it is not fixable it can only be managed and then only if they can see who they are and candisplay the right amount of understanding and empathy which most lack altogether.

    Having said the above - each circumstance of infidelity is generally different -

    I struggle still with triggers on a daily basis, i have been counselled by 2 different (both females) phycologists about my issues with this - both with a combined 74 years experience and still cant get where i should be !!!!

    I may add add at this point i have just today signed up with BB as another issue has just been raised and im at a point where ive had enough and wanted to seek help and then saw your post and felt compelled to contribute.

    Make no mistake we and only we that have been and gone through this understand and thats why i was looking up support groups on this site but couldnt find what i was looking for.

    I could spend hours on her telling you of my situation but i just wanted you to know i feel your pain and am here if you want to talk.

    Take care Doc

  6. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    6 December 2021 in reply to Blossk77

    blosk

    welcome to thje forum and thanks for making this thread. Also your honesty will help others.

    From my experience regaining trust is the hardest thing as for me there was a little voice saying is he really going where he said. If your husband can be completely transparent, have secrets it will help rebuild trust.

    Doc thanks for making your first post here to help blosk.

    As you say everyone is different and each insidfent of infedility is different.

    You may wnat to start your own thread so people can reply to you and iffer support.

    If you browse the threads and type in cheating you will see many threads that may be of interest.

    Blosk thanks again for starting this thread.

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