Hello Tash, can I also join Tony in welcoming you to the site.
Many people display a happy and joyful facade, but deep down they are suffering a silent illness, too afraid to let their friends and/or family know how they are actually feeling, it's certainly happened to me for many years, but eventually you can't pretend any more, it all becomes a massive struggle, that's when we have to realise that we need help to know how to get better, and if this does happen, it's no fault of yours whats so ever.
Those who are slightly hesitant in opening up, fear what type of criticism other people may direct towards them and with this illness that's is certainly unfair.
Those of us on this particular site know what this feels like, it makes you feel alone, simply because your friends may decide that they aren't able to help you and not capable of knowing what they should be saying, so they disappear and you lose contact with them, that can be heartbreaking to know that a friend you've known for such a long time has decided to ignore you, perhaps it's not because they have fallen out of favour with you, but simply mental illness is too strong for them to handle.
It is upsetting but that's when those who have been in your position begin to realise that you need help and are able to listen and suggest any recommendations that they have experienced themselves which have been appropriate.
When people suffer for a couple of years without seeking any assistance, that's very difficult for you to try and understand why this it's happening and there could be many different issues surrounding this problem.
Please take your time and remember we have been in the same or very similar situations ourselves.