I'm new here. I just wanted to say g'day and just needed a place to express what I'm feeling.
I have been battling mental health issues for over twenty years, engaging with many psychologists over this time. The issues have been with me for as long as I remember and I'm in my forties. I've been misdiagnosed several times and have stopped labelling my experience as anything other than an episode.
I'm feeling slightly nervous about being admitted to hospital today for the sixth time. At the same time I'm noticing all the usual unpleasant emotions I experience on admission are not there. Except perhaps feeling a shyness to tell the Psychs what I know I am finally ready to admit.
I've noticed pleasant emotions. This feels uncomfortable oddly, perhaps because I haven't allowed myself to do so for a long time. I'm feeling loved and supported both by others and myself. I am curious, hopeful, determined, strong and proud.
I was admitted to this facility for a month last year, it was the first time I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of group sessions. My self awareness grew exponentially. I felt safe to feel unpleasant emotions while I was there. I used music, journalling and exercise, swaying and rocking in my room to calm myself after.
I'm sitting typing this with dance music on so I don't feel odd rocking and swaying to alleviate my anxiety. It's working a treat, I don't feel like a doofus and it feels like a nice big internal hug.
I'm being super kind and loving towards myself. I am telling me I have done the hard yards and it is paying off, a few more won't hurt. The other troubles in my life have been parked for revisiting at a later date. This time is for me to work on me.
I hope everyone else remembers to give themself a big internal hug today : )