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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Hi everyone!

Topic: Hi everyone!

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Cactus]\]
    Cactus]\] avatar
    1 posts
    29 January 2020

    Hi everyone!

    I just joined this today mainly just hoping for some support.

    lately I’ve been feeling symptoms of Depersonalisation and social anxiety. I didn’t think much of it earlier, since I’ve always been very introverted and quiet. But It’s just gotten worse. It’s really hard to explain. I feel like I can’t really talk to any of my family, I know they would just tell me to brush it off and stop asking for attention. Though I’m really not, I can’t go out in public without thinking “are they looking at me?” “I’m doing something wrong” “it’s too crowded, I’m suffocating” at school I panic if something so much talk to me. Worried I’ll say something wrong, or their only talking to me because they feel forced. I wear baggy clothes to cover up my body worried someone will judge. I find it impossible to connect to people.
    I would love to see a gp, to see if I really have social anxiety. But I can’t with my parents hovering around me.

    thanks to anyone who actually reads my ranting :)

  2. Aaronsis
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2459 posts
    30 January 2020 in reply to Cactus]\]

    Hi Cactus

    Firstly welcome to the BB forum and I am so pleased you have come to get some support and some comfort at this time, we are here to chat and to hopefully give you some things to help you along the way.

    It is so brave of you to reach out when I can hear how anxious you are and that you are feeling so overwhelmed and in fear of what others are thinking.

    I understand that you worry about what your parents would think or say, but perhaps this too is just the noise in your head and the anxiety talking and not the truth. Perhaps should you ask your parents to make an appointment for you at the GP, I am not sure of your age and perhaps you may not even need to take a parent with you and you are old enough to do this on your own. I think a chat with a GP is a fantastic idea as they can really help with getting you on your journey to wellness.

    You are not ranting at all Cactus, we are so glad that you are here and it is tough to be a young person these days, to have the pressure of school and peers and worry about what the future looks like. Can I suggest that perhaps taking one day at a time and just focus on the now and breath, that you are worth it, people talk to you because they want to, no one forces anyone to talk if they don't want to, that you are enough and you matter so much.

    I am here to chat with you about as much or as little as you want to share cactus and to help you through this time.

    Huge hugs to you

    Sarah xx

  3. Husky1
    Husky1 avatar
    2 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Cactus]\]

    The key to curing depersonalisation is to create a life that you truly wish to be living. Then there is no need for the 'protective coping mechanism' which pulls you away from experiencing life.

    -Put yourself first more often, try to take control and ownership of your life.

    - Learn to love yourself

    - Seek to do the things that you truly enjoy regularly - daily even. Try to do what you truly want to do each moment. This may take some soul searching but it is very important.

    - Try not to withdraw socially too much. Try to spend time with good people regularly and if you have less friends sometimes, try to make more connections as people will always come and go.

    - Heal from the past. If you have trauma - try to face it in a healthy way when you are ready. Try to complete some healing tasks that will allow you to move forward in life and leave some of the pain behind.

    - Do what you can to feel safe. Try to trust that you can keep yourself safe. Take very good care of yourself, your health and wellbeing. If you are struggling in some areas, try to do what you can to feel more stable and slowly lay down some foundations to improve the situation.

    - Mindfulness does work. Remind yourself that today is a new day and you are right here, right now. Re-train your brain to enjoy the day and coax it out of hiding by depersonalising.

    - Experiment with what makes you feel good until you find it. It could be that you need to have a better sleep routine or a morning routine with exercise or meditation to improve your day.. or to set goals to make people laugh or improve your social skills. It could be a weekly sport, walking group or craft group.

    It can be a bit of a long road and I suppose it sounds hard to do. But it doesn't need to be extremely difficult. It is just about shifting perception to break the depersonalisation cycle. Choose to actively try to be present and do things that you enjoy .... so if you enjoy the process, then it is not as difficult as it might seem sometimes.

    Enjoy your life - claim your life back. Try to be very good to yourself and search for what is healthy emotionally/physically/mentally and what is enjoyable and meaningful. Depersonalisation may come and go as time passes, but with the efforts that are right for you - one day it might not return.

  4. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2082 posts
    19 July 2021 in reply to Cactus]\]

    Hi Cactus)\)

    Aaronsis and Husky1 have offered wonderful supportive suggestions for grounding yourself out of overanalysing or overthinking. It can be so hard to free our self from such conditioning to the point where it can feel impossible. When we're calculating or processing our next move, what we say and what we do, on top of other people's moves it can feel like we're identifying with being a human computer/processor rather than a human being. While a computer/processor is designed to calculate or 'think' through absolutely everything, we're not. It can play havoc with the nervous system.

    When thinking about it, it's truly amazing how much we're conditioned into processing and calculating. The ways can be incredibly subtle but when you begin to study them, they're undeniably there. When we're little, they may sound a little like

    • 'You can't wear that. Go and put on something more presentable if you're going out.' So, we calculate what's presentable
    • 'You can't say that. What will people think if you say that?!' So, we begin to calculate what people will think
    • 'Stop asking so many questions. Just go and do as you're told.' So, we calculate how to stop asking so many questions in favour of the ones that we really need to ask and we calculate what it is we're being told to do, without question. The hidden problem with this one is...we stop asking questions of questionable people, people who should be questioned. Instead we may come to question our self, 'Why can't I just tolerate this? What's wrong with me? Why am I so difficult or 'defective'? In truth, the defect is not in the person, it's in the lack of questioning. Personally, if I was paid for the amount of wonder or questioning I pose to others I'd be a billionaire :)

    These are just a few examples of how we may come to process life. Add to this 6 and a half hours of school 5 days a week with occasional holidays over a 13 year period. Certainly conditions for producing a human calculator (process thousands of questions in search for thousands of answers or solutions).

    It's all pretty exhausting just thinking about it. A strange question but one worth pondering is 'How do I become more thoughtless?' Less thought and more of simply feeling a connection to life is something worth investigating. If you feel that connection through wearing what others will question, focus on feeling what it's like to be your natural self. Perhaps it may even become your uniform as you go to work on finding you.


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