I won't go into great detail about my history (just yet), only wanted to say hi and introduce myself around. I guess like all of you here, i didn't wander into the Bb message board by accident. I've been living with anxiety and depression for maybe 25 years or so and i've experienced some pretty low lows.. over the last ten years or so my worldview and inner monologue waver between bleak and horrific. self-hatred, shame and thoughts of.. mortality have become pretty routine. I'm often completely overcome by despair, sometimes for months, sometimes several times a day. I've been (or am) addicted to pretty much everything, although cigarettes are probably my nastiest vice atm. I'm deeply isolated. For a long time, as a teenager, i fantasised about being a proper hermit.. in a cave, wearing rags and speaking only to myself and my animal friends. Well i have almost realised my dream lol, but not finding it quite the utopia I'd imagined.. Time to try turning it around.
I've sought "treatment" in a dozen or so fits and spurts over the years but with very few positive outcomes, many negative ones. As a result I spend a lot of time "self-counselling" but i realise that can only get you so far, like chasing your own tail, or asking the answer to life, the universe and everything (42) it kills time but ultimately pretty unfulfilling.
So i was intrigued to see an e-community forming, full of people like myself, but who were brave enough to share their feelings and stories. courageous enough to create a community where our darkest fears can be brought to light without fear of the reprisal and embarassment that dogs us in our daily lives. I had to become a part of it. I hope i can bring some tiny positives to your wonderful group, and thank you all for having me here.
Well I'm very keen to get some discussion happening and have sso many questions, so hope to see you in future threads.