Hello and welcome to the forum. So pleased you have found your way here.
I am sorry you feel so bad at the moment. Depression is a horrible place to be and can take over all our thinking. We often appear to push away the people who can help us as I know from my experience. I want to say you can get well. Please try and remember that, especially in those horrible dark times. It will take time and work but you can get there.
Can you give us some additional information about yourself? It helps if we know your circumstances such as age/school/working/family. However this is not necessary if you do not want to disclose these details. This forum is safe for you.
Did you feel better writing that short post? Sometimes even writing something short can help. Rest assured we are here to help and support you. What do you want first? What are your priorities? Have you talked to anyone about how you feel? I know you are not telling your close friends and family but have you spoken to your GP about any of this?
So many questions from me but I would like to know you a little better and support you in the best way I can. I hope you will get back to us soon.