Hi again, Jiero,
It is an admirable goal to become a professional artist.
I have never imagined I could turn professional. I think
the burden of having to meet others’ expectations would hamper me too much.
I wonder, who is placing all those expectations on you? If
yourself, then you can remove them again.
What is it you want from life? What are your needs? What
does a happy Jiero look like?
I think if you can find someone who will allow you to
talk these thoughts and feelings through, without judgement, but someone to
bounce things off of, that could help more than having only yourself to talk
It seems you have been a more gregarious person in the
Why is it you seem more comfortable being alone now?
I have a tendency towards keeping to myself, being alone,
and I realised my thoughts and feelings went round and round, until I felt
sick. I was getting nowhere.
After I had said some things about a 'friend' I had, my
first PDr asked me to consider what sort of friend this was, who would treat me
that way. I would ask you the same question.
I too, had asked why I let myself be treated with so
little care or kindness. My self-esteem was below my feet. I think it bounces
around my knees now. I do hold that question in mind, review and check, how is
this person treating me? Is there respect? Do they really listen? Do they needle
at my wounds or try to sooth and help me? I am more vigilant about how people
treat me, now.
Don’t we deserve better? It is something we give to
ourselves to be careful about who we have around us. If we don’t think we
deserve to be treated with respect – why? We think other people do, right? Why
I'm still not so good at treating myself with care and
compassion. I'm still learning, wondering if I will ever grow up.