Welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry for your challenge, it must be very hard for you. Sorry I don't have lived experience of borderline personality disorder but I believe there must be some friends here who can share their experience.
I just want to say that what you're trying to do - to seek help is absolutely right. And no one here is judgmental. We all understand that our mental illness is just the illness, not ourselves, same to you. So don't worry, the only thing we do here is to listen, encourage and support each other.