Hi there, Sadandknowonetotalkto, I have been in a position almost identical to yours. We are now seperated and working on reconciling but it has been a long hard road and we still have a very long way to go. I can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you what I should have done before we seperated.
1. I should have seen a counselor more frequently to decide what is holding me back from making myself happy instead of relying on him to make me happy. He had always been my rock, but the rock started wearing out and needed time to do stuff for himself before he crumbled.
2. I should have asked him if he was ok. Everyone knew I was suffering anxiety and depression but I don't think anyone asked how he was coping. Being the support for a depressed person is hard and would make anyone resent their situation sometimes.
3. I should have said "I'm not happy with the way things are, I've booked an appointment with a relationship counselor and it would mean alot to me if you came too"
After we agreed to seperate we did see a counselor together so we could seperate as amicably as possible and I realised how bad things were.
I have no idea if these things might work for you, but I regret not doing them myself. Seperation is so hard on everyone, even "amicable" seperation.
I am sending lots of good thoughts your way and really hope you guys can work things out. If you do, it will be hard, but if you love each other it will be worth it. X