Hi, welcome

I'm here. I'll check my phone every hour or so for your posts. Looking forward to it.

Anything on your mind?

TonyWK

Hi there,

I am here to talk, I try and check the forums every day!

Are you OK? What is bothering you?

Jaz.

Hi sad and knowone to talk to,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry you are feeling this way I understand.

I understand the fights with your husband, you need some “me time” aswell…….. maybe your husband could support you more by having the children more so you can do something for yourself?

I believe it goes both ways……. He needs to support you aswell, you also need to get out and about….

I think that’s a really nice gesture that you want your parents to pick up the girls sometimes…. They would love it and it would help your kids to so they can spend some time with grandparents and it gives you a rest… if your husband is unhappy about it have you asked him his reasons?

This isn’t your fault I think things at home need to be divided evenly so you can take up some thing? it’s give and take and maybe your husband may need to understand that he needs to cut back on his hobbies so you can do something you enjoy….. he also needs to support you..

If your daughter enjoys dancing then do dancing your children’s interests are important too.

Im sorry you suffer with anxiety and depression have you spoken to a health professional about the way you are feeling?

I have had depression and anxiety for about 20 years. I was on antidepressants for a long time but went off them when I was pregnant with my 7 year old and had to bo back on them when she was born j was not in a good state. Then went off them again with the 4 year old. I have never really found anyone that I could feel comfortable with to talk to. If I say to him I want to do something he would say of course and wouldn't stop me but there is no time left in the week. by the time I work 3 days a day to catch up on life, swimming, gymnastics and basketball. I hold on to stuff and find it hard to let go. I dont know why I'm so upset about him coaching my son in rep basketball and domestic. I dont know how to tell my husband stuff, it gets so mixed up in my head and never comes out right. And then he has this way of turning it around and putting it back on me. Dont get me wrong he is a good man, never done anything to me. He says I always get my way and I feel like he always gets his way. mine y was a huge issue and pressure for so long and isn't as much of a problem anymore. im working more and a few other things. Most of the time there is no problem, we don't fight that much. I find it so hard expressing my self to him or anyone face to face. I actually am in a reasonably good spot in my life for the first time and I shouldn't do the whole poor me thing and im not trying to do that but when I emotionally fall off my perch it's hard and it sucks. Im a reasonably private person for a lot of reasons. I have lost a lot of friends moving jobs. My sister-in-law's are good but I would never to talk to them about this. My sister and I have a very strained relationship for a lot of reasons also. I feel like I'm the common problem in all this. I try so hard to be a good person, daughter, wife, sister, in-law. But I feel like it always backfires me. But then how much is it just my head messing with me.

I’m sorry that you have had anxiety and depression for almost 20 years, i understand it’s hard to deal with.

I suffered with severe anxiety OCD but have now recovered from this condition after receiving the professional help I needed.

Are you still off your antidepressant?

I understand it’s difficult to try to understand were our emotions are coming from and why we feel the way we do. Instead of talking to your husband about the way you are feeling have you thought about writing him a letter…….?

Hi, sorry for my delay,

Reading through your responses here I think there is a few issues that I can identify.

• You seem to lack a passion of your own. Such an interest would divert much of your thoughts.
• There seems you have difficulty expressing yourself. Petal22 suggestion of writing him a letter has merit. You can tell him directly of your concerns and not get your words mixed up.
• A marriage guidance counsellor would most definitely help in your situation. Try Relationships Australia
• If you can't beat them join them!. Go along to his coaching sessions and encourage the kids.

What do you think?

TonyWK

Thank you so much for all your understanding. I think I have just out up and stayed quiet about so much stuff for so long that sometimes it just comes out. I have contacted a gym around the courner for my place so I can do something for myself. I hope I dont chicken out and let my anxiety take over like I do so much. I think I have just ignored so much stuff for so long. I was meant to go to the dentist this morning but I cancelled because I just couldn't go. My parents were go I ng to look after my youngest and then mum was like I haven't seen the kids for a week. And then that maid me feel so bad that I haven't been to their place for a week. I dont tell them much about how I feel. Its to hard. They are old and they mean well but can be quite frustrating. My husband and I do have a pretty good relationship. I think I'm just jealous that I don't get much time to do stuff. But then I dont help myself by doing much or saying or wanting to do stuff. Our communication could be better deffinatly.

Hi knowone to talk to,

I just wanted to say congratulations you have found some clarity.. well done 👍

Yes I understand how as Mums we can get jealous it seems are spouses are out doing things and we seem to be stuck at home……. We want to speak up but we find sometimes we can’t……. You WILL find your voice the more you speak up the easier it will become….. the answers we seek are usually within us….

Is there something you are passionate about? Finding that passion is also an amazing thing to do once you find it and do it life can be very full filling.

Welldone for joining the gym just tell yourself you can do this and go 😊 it’s nice just being around other people and doing something for ourselves…… the endorphins from exercise are amazing aswell….

Keep trying to communicate with your husband you will get there….

Life is a journey and some times that journey takes us to finding our true self. ❤️

Hi sad and knowone to talk to,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand anxiety is very difficult to deal with.

Did you feel better on medication?

I believe if the medication helps then that’s great…… I’m grateful we have medications to help the people in the old days weren’t so lucky.

Have you thought about talking to your gp about the way you are feeling?

That is no good. I understand. Have you ever seen a professional for these feelings?

As many others have suggested, Relationships Australia might be a good point of call as you say you are struggling with marital conflict.

Please know we are here and understand. Please reply if you want to talk more.

Jaz.

Hi there, Sadandknowonetotalkto, I have been in a position almost identical to yours. We are now seperated and working on reconciling but it has been a long hard road and we still have a very long way to go. I can't tell you what you should do but I can tell you what I should have done before we seperated.

1. I should have seen a counselor more frequently to decide what is holding me back from making myself happy instead of relying on him to make me happy. He had always been my rock, but the rock started wearing out and needed time to do stuff for himself before he crumbled.

2. I should have asked him if he was ok. Everyone knew I was suffering anxiety and depression but I don't think anyone asked how he was coping. Being the support for a depressed person is hard and would make anyone resent their situation sometimes.

3. I should have said "I'm not happy with the way things are, I've booked an appointment with a relationship counselor and it would mean alot to me if you came too"

After we agreed to seperate we did see a counselor together so we could seperate as amicably as possible and I realised how bad things were.

I have no idea if these things might work for you, but I regret not doing them myself. Seperation is so hard on everyone, even "amicable" seperation.

I am sending lots of good thoughts your way and really hope you guys can work things out. If you do, it will be hard, but if you love each other it will be worth it. X

Hi everyone, I'm new here...to be honest I'm not really sure what to say but I pretty much just need to talk to people who are going through similar things and understand and make me feel a little less broken than I do lately. I guess I need to vent but it will probably happen in small bursts because I feel so overwhelmed and its too much for me to sort through all of it right now.

If anyone has any advice on strategies or coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety/depression over family drama then I'd love to hear it...(sorry I know this was super vague)

thanks for listening x

• Beyond Blue 
• Kids Helpline 
• Lifeline 
• Headspace (9am-1am AEDT) 

Hi Mikaela,

I am sorry you feel this way, just know all of us here understand and are here to lend a listening ear. You are not alone.

Family drama is difficult, I find it best to try and remove myself from it if I can (although it is hard) and focus on doing things that make you happy. I find meditation and gratitude helps to ground me.

Are you able to reason with your family members?

Jaz.