Hello Ritchie & Welcome to BB Forum.
Thankyou for your courage to post especially when feeling in that dreaded state. As Geoff had mentioned it would an very good idea to scroll & read some of what others have personally experienced. This will give you some reassurance that there others who also suffer from BPD along with multiple issues & suggestions of How it's helped them.
It's a great idea to try to download what BB has to offer on BPD. This will give you a measure of understanding of yourself & how, what, where to get the extra needed medical support. No doubt you've already been diagnosed by a professional medical practioner as you had mentioned you have "something called BPD".... It takes a very fully qualified Dr to diagnose such a complex mental disorder.
Ritchie, what your currently feeling & experiencing comes with BPD ... that's where a reputable medical practitioner is so valuable whilst in this state. He/she should be giving you the tools so you may some understanding of your feelings. DBT is helpful for those who have BPD. It's a type of therapy done by a fully qualified psychologist who specializes in that field.
I also suffer from BPD/anxiety/depression/ptsd. I Do fully understand what you are going through. No two persons are alike when receiving help from a good therapists. It's genuine mental disorder which is caused from a numbers of things. Nothing to be ashamed about. You're a worthwhile individual seeking support & encouragement.
www.sane.com.au/ have excellent resources on those who have BPD. BB likewise. The more you have an understanding about this disorder, the better you will be equipped when upon seeing your medical practioner/advisor.
Hope this tiny bit of info will help you.