Not really sure what to write.. or where to start.

I’m struggling to open up to anyone about how I feel on a day to day basis. I have friends I can speak to about numerous things but I can’t seem to bring myself to admit what’s actually going on deep down. One reason is because I know some friends won’t get it. The biggest reason I think is because I’m scared to admit to feeling something, and then when those feelings change people don’t think I’m being honest with myself, even though from my best friends perspective it would be because she cares.

And for my feelings deep down... I feel like I don’t even have any. I’m not happy but I’m not sad. I’m not excited about many things but I’m not unmoved by things either.

I don’t find many things funny, so I don’t really laugh. I will in a general conversation have a chuckle. I’ll crack the odd, easy joke at work or with friends, whatever. Though I couldn’t tell you the last time I really really laughed, Iike genuinely laughed.

I constantly feel like I’m in a slump and then feeling guilty because there’s nothing even ‘wrong’ with my life.

Most of the time I feel like I want something bad to happen so I have an excuse to be sad.

What can I do?

Hi Maree and warm welcome to our community

I see you are already involved by responding to Happy Girl. That is lovely to see. It's also good you have found your way here the forums.

When we think of depression, it's easy to mistakenly associate it with profound sadness…but when depressed, you can get the sense of emotional numbness that comes with this mental state. Such as you talk about above - not happy and not sad.

Depression can leave you feeling detached from the world: I remember as a uni student becoming paralysed at the thought of starting an assignment, and while I like socialising I also like to do nothing but stay in bed.

Have you seen anyone about how you feel? For example your doctor or a health professional? That's one of the first things I'd do. If you don't think you will open up, how about writing things down before you go and take that with you to give to the doctor or health professional?

It's never easy opening up to people, however, I think you've already found that writing here is not too bad. There is an anonymity to it that helps I think. What are your thoughts?

Keep reaching out here as you have already done. No pressure though, just when you want to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

Hi Maree,

I am so glad that you have had the courage to write to the forum. It certainly does sound like some of the symptoms you are describing may be likely to be depression. I hope that I can make one thing clear - please do not feel that you are alone. I myself can relate to many of the symptoms you have written of and you have definitely done the hardest bit - actually identifying how you are feeling in writing.

In relation to feeling 'stuck', I really agree with PamelaR. Feeling this bad for what sounds like it has been more than a couple of weeks is not at all something that you can ignore. Please consider making an appointment to your GP. Sometimes if things are feeling too tough it can even be easier to take someone you trust with you to help you to the appointment. Although it certainly sounds like depression, I would agree with PamelaR that a GP could help - there are so many other physical conditions that need to be ruled out because there may be a simpler answer to your problems and these can easily be missed if you do not get someone to help you look for them.

It is also good to know that you may be able to access a GP Management Plan for further support in seeking psychological services if this is considered by your specialist as something helpful.

If things ever get too tough, please know that help is always available. You are important and no matter how lost you feel now, the feelings you have at the moment are literally only that - just feelings - they seem like they are never-ending but there is always a way out and you will not be 'stuck' forever.

JG.

Hi Maree,

I can completely understand the way you're feeling, the worst part is not know why we feel like this. That numb feeling. You're definitely not alone.

I think you've made the brave first step reaching out here for help. I know just reading and maybe not even posting is helpful for me so thank you.

I hope that you are able to push through all of this and be happy once more.

I’m really sorry I never responded to anyone.

I had started replying a hundred times but never known what I wanted to say back.

Since now it’s nearly been 5 months, not a whole lot has changed.

Have thought about speaking to a GP but not sure how I can when it’s taken this long to respond anonymously online.

But it thank you for taking the time to read and reply the first time.

Maree1993 I am sorry I can't offer much advice for I am trying to do the same.

I understand the feeling. I lock myself away from people too. I am a newbie here but the things you said just struck something in me for I saw that I do the same to people around me. I don't understand when nothing major has caused me to feel this way and I feel like I also have a good life. I haven't told anyone in my family but I am trying to work up to seeking help. I feel very numb all the time and shame myself for it. I just hope I am able to change. I have hope for you too, that you can reach out. Just remember you are not alone.