Hi Maree and warm welcome to our community
I see you are already involved by responding to Happy Girl. That is lovely to see. It's also good you have found your way here the forums.
When we think of depression, it's easy to mistakenly associate it with profound sadness…but when depressed, you can get the sense of emotional numbness that comes with this mental state. Such as you talk about above - not happy and not sad.
Depression can leave you feeling detached from the world: I remember as a uni student becoming paralysed at the thought of starting an assignment, and while I like socialising I also like to do nothing but stay in bed.
Have you seen anyone about how you feel? For example your doctor or a health professional? That's one of the first things I'd do. If you don't think you will open up, how about writing things down before you go and take that with you to give to the doctor or health professional?
It's never easy opening up to people, however, I think you've already found that writing here is not too bad. There is an anonymity to it that helps I think. What are your thoughts?
Keep reaching out here as you have already done. No pressure though, just when you want to.