Hi, I am a male and as such am not used to allowing my flaws to surface. I hade a stroke November 2017 and I thought that as I didn't appear to suffer any long term effects that I was alright. Now I find that my marriage is on the rocks because of my mood swings. I have lost all desire for the future. I live from day to day. Nothing excites me and al I want to do is sleep. I know that I am no longer normal, went to the DR and was prescribed sleeping tablets. I do not want to be a zombie and after taking 1/2 of one of these I was. Is there any hope for me or do I just wander and hope that it will go away.

Desperate

Hi Bri Bri

Welcome to this post . I’m not exactly sure what to say ..but I know the helpless feeling of being a zombie and not looking forward to anything and like ...what am I supposed to be doing again ? And omg can I go back to sleep now ? True story I totally relate.

I had some relationship trauma affair thing happened but that was all in the past and it shall stay right there.

one thing I realise from that experience was that I did not really do much self care...I often put myself last ...and everyone else came before me . So then begins this journey of self discovery . Its like being a kid again . I started to doing Hot Yoga ..cos I had the damm winter blues ...so it was invigorating to sweat it out on a cold winters day . From there I did meditation (Jason Stephenson) he’s like a brother I never had ...hahaha

His youtube channels has been a lifesaver to me helping me sleep and feeling rejuvenated in the mornings. I highly recommend it . I also found that dancing gave me a lot of freedom I think we all have things that really would bring out the kids in us ...whatever it may be for you ...Painting , gardening ..reading ...journallling ...something .Just do some brainstorming and you will find your GO TO Activity ...and slowly build on that . The Trick is to start slow and be kind to yourself . Be your own cheerleader . Essentially we are all on our own paths to happiness and the search of one self . I think when we work internally within ourselves ...our relationships would improve . Because we are self reliant and we can self soothe...self regulate and what the other person does ...isn’t nearly quite as important . Because the minute we start aligning ourselves ...we see things different ...we become less reactive ...to our partners ...which is an awesome thing. You do you and she does her..and hopefully you offer each other support and growth .

Try Abraham Hicks on relationships youtube channels too...A total game changer for me .

when I realise that things outside of my control ...i can choose to let go of....

and that essentially I only take charge of what I can control and my emotions and my whole well being .

I know you mention you had a stroke and I dont know how that impacts on a person but I hope my experience can help you in one way or another .

I hope you try these things out ...and keep posting here and would love to know how you get on with it . Keep well my friend :-)

Thank you Isla,

I have just read your note and it rings so many bells. All my life I have put myself last but I feel that I can't change as I would not be myself. If that makes sense. My wife told me she married me for who and what I was. This is all too much to think of in a short time. Thank you for listening as most time I only talk to myself.

BriBri

Hi Bri Bri

I didn’t mean to ask you to change yourself . You are always perfect the way you are . It is awesome your wife loves you for who you are . That is a super positive thing . And you should always continue to be yourself and do “you”

Your last statement was “I only talk to myself “ and as do I .

We all do talk to ourselves ...more often than not....we have this internal monologue that we can use as our strength ...to our full advantage . Next time you do talk to yourself ...pay particular attention to it .

this is exactly what I did ...so i hope it helps you ....

I label it negative or positive ...mostly it was negative for me ...lol

so I just say oh that was a negative thought ...can I do anything about it ? And yes ...I try and fix it ...and if not >>...I let it go ... Lots of things that go on in our life’s are out of our control ...so those we need to let it go...Let it slide off us ...like water off a ducks back .

It takes practice and it can be done ...the key is to be consistent ..and take it one step at a time ..

we have to slowly tweak our mind with positive thoughts instead . We are mostly skewed towards negative and believe me I know how easy a negative thought can spiral into a tornado of mess if left unchecked .

So Bri Bri ...you are perfect as you are ...so embrace that ...part of self care and self love ...is feeding yourself positive thoughts . Treat yourself like you are your own best friend . NOT your worst enemy . I used to talk to myself like I was the “devil from hell “

I used to call myself ugly...dumb , useless ...lazy ..it was horrendous .

BE your own best friend .

do and think about things that serve you well ...forget the rest ..it takes practice

stay well ..please keep posting love to hear back