Hi Tamz and BeyondBlueUser,
Like BeyondBlueUser, I am new to BB and haven't posted my own story yet, just reading other people's stories. This is the second story that has prompted me to write something...
I am 38 with 2 kids, 3&1/2 and 6 months. I am also the only money earner in my family, so I will be going back to work soon. All I can say is, it's incredibly hard being the emotional centre of a family, especially for little children as well as having to earn all the money. It's a lot of pressure.
My husband is not awful at all, so that's another whole dimension that sounds truly awful BeyondBlueUser (I wonder if that is a relationship that you should be staying in, if you feel that way? But perhaps you feel trapped financially and practically?). But even though he's not awful, it doesn't always feel like a true and equal partnership, especially as it had been going on for 15 years. The stress and pressure of not having enough money and feeling responsible for everything, and being exhausted by the children... It really does get me down. I can imagine, if nothing changes soon, that I might feel a relentless nothingness too, like you Tamz.
I have been to my doctor. I resumed my antidepressant medication. I have a mental health care plan and will see a psychologist soon. I am linked in with the parenting centre. I have also been going for walks, talking to friends, and leaning heavily on my mum. I also found the '3 things to be thankful for' thread here on BB helpful. Looking for things to be thankful for helps shifts focus to the small (sometimes tiny) glimmers of goodness amid the grey.
I wish you both well and would like to keep chatting if you like.
Take care, Ebi