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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Im fine, I guess

Topic: Im fine, I guess

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Tamz
    Tamz avatar
    3 posts
    23 May 2019

    "I'm fine" is something I not only just say to everyone but I try to tell my self that to.

    Hi, my name is Tam, I'm new here, I'm 25 years old, I'm married and I have two kids. My life is always on the go as you can just imagine with two kids and how they fill my life with joy, however, for the longest time I have felt worthless, useless and just a waste of space and even with a loving husband and my children always telling me that I'm a great mother and wife. Ever since I can remember, I have always felt like that and I find it hard to know who I am as I person. Lately, feelings of nothingness that I have tried to ignore has come out more and more. I now wake up feeling nothing at all and just start my day, do what I need to do, come home from work, go to bed and do it all again tomorrow with these feelings getting worse and worse everyday. I do have a lot on my plate, like I'm the only one that can work and bring in the money as my husband is unable to as he has a lot of physical and mental issues that makes him unable to work or leave the house.

    I guess, the reason why I'm posting is to see who else is feeling the same way and if they have a partner or husband or whatever that is the same way.

    Thank you.

  2. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
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    Doolhof avatar
    8853 posts
    23 May 2019 in reply to Tamz

    Hi Tam,

    Would you feel comfortable talking to your Dr about how you are feeling?

    There are many times when I question who I am, what is my purpose and meaning. I think a lot of us feel that way now and then, it is just something we don't openly talk about.

    It sounds to me like you have great purpose and meaning, being a working Mum and a wife to a husband who needs you in many different ways.

    Sometimes we just need to find ways to like and love ourselves more.

    There is a thread here on the forum called "Do you like yourself" or something similar. Maybe you could have a read of some of that and realise just how many people have similar feelings.

    Are you able to make time in your busy life to do something that you really enjoy? Adding positivity and happiness to our lives can make a huge difference to how we feel.

    All the best, cheers from Dools

  3. Wooter
    Wooter avatar
    2 posts
    23 May 2019 in reply to Tamz
    Hi Tamz I have the same feelings minus the wife in my case. Every day seems like a chore and the only time I feel at ease is when I am asleep.
  4. BeyondBlueUser
    BeyondBlueUser avatar
    1 posts
    24 May 2019 in reply to Tamz

    Hi there Tam,

    Sorry to hear of your situation. I’m new here, am yet to make a post, have just been reading about others stories. However your story has made me want to make a comment.

    I am 36, and have 3 young children 4 and under. I have had to return to work earlier than I would have liked after having my third child, because my husband has a back injury and is unable to work. It’s likely to be permanent. He has mental health issues and treats me and our children poorly on a daily basis, with the excuse “well that’s just me, you shouldn’t try to change people.”

    Our home life is fairly miserable and I am ridden with guilt having to leave my 3 babies with this awful man so I can go to work to earn money. I don’t earn enough per day to afford childcare (letalone the mortgage, bills, nappies, food etc) so they have to stay home with him. I’m finding my self esteem and self worth is severely affected by his treatment and it infuriates me to no end how my children are affected.

    We are both estranged from our families for different reasons, and have no friends, therefore zero support.

    I don’t have any suggestions or answers for you about your situation, but I wanted to let you know you are absolutely not alone. I will be thinking of you.

  5. Ebi
    Ebi avatar
    77 posts
    29 May 2019 in reply to BeyondBlueUser

    Hi Tamz and BeyondBlueUser,

    Like BeyondBlueUser, I am new to BB and haven't posted my own story yet, just reading other people's stories. This is the second story that has prompted me to write something...

    I am 38 with 2 kids, 3&1/2 and 6 months. I am also the only money earner in my family, so I will be going back to work soon. All I can say is, it's incredibly hard being the emotional centre of a family, especially for little children as well as having to earn all the money. It's a lot of pressure.

    My husband is not awful at all, so that's another whole dimension that sounds truly awful BeyondBlueUser (I wonder if that is a relationship that you should be staying in, if you feel that way? But perhaps you feel trapped financially and practically?). But even though he's not awful, it doesn't always feel like a true and equal partnership, especially as it had been going on for 15 years. The stress and pressure of not having enough money and feeling responsible for everything, and being exhausted by the children... It really does get me down. I can imagine, if nothing changes soon, that I might feel a relentless nothingness too, like you Tamz.

    I have been to my doctor. I resumed my antidepressant medication. I have a mental health care plan and will see a psychologist soon. I am linked in with the parenting centre. I have also been going for walks, talking to friends, and leaning heavily on my mum. I also found the '3 things to be thankful for' thread here on BB helpful. Looking for things to be thankful for helps shifts focus to the small (sometimes tiny) glimmers of goodness amid the grey.

    I wish you both well and would like to keep chatting if you like.

    Take care, Ebi

  6. Tamz
    Tamz avatar
    3 posts
    30 May 2019

    Hi everyone,

    Thank you all so much for your reply's, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one that feel's this way.

    BeyondBlueUser, thank you for opening up and telling us about you're experience. As I know it's hard to get out of a relationship like that (as I've been there once), I do agree with Ebi about getting out of it, you and you're beautiful children deserve so much better then how you are getting treated.

    Ever since I was 6 year's old I have been bullied (even in my adulthood by friend's and boss's, luckily they have left my life recently but the damage has been done) and even since then I have had the same feelings that have grown over the year's of self worth and not for the best. Things just got worse once my kids came a long and I meet my husband, I reject every comment that he make that are lovely about me or the way I look because of all the bulling. However, the feeling of nothing is getting worse day by day and yes Wooter the only time I feel at ease is when I get into bed and asleep. Thank you for sharing Wooter.

    Even when you have a loving husband or partner doesn't mean you can feel that it's not an equal relationship or partnership no matter how long you have been together and if nothing charge's than yes the feel's will get to the point where you are always feeling nothing. Ebi, if I could suggest to you maybe try marriage counselling or talking to an outsider about the way you feel about you're partnership. I do get the same feeling to but i don't have anyone to talk to about it, I just bury it with everything else. I do try to talk to my husband about it but.... I gave him a small heart attack (his family has a lot of heart issues) so I'm now scared to talk to him about it again. Thank you for sharing you're experience too Ebi.

    I would love to keep chatting.

    Tam

  7. Ebi
    Ebi avatar
    77 posts
    31 May 2019 in reply to Tamz

    Hi Tam,

    We did go to couples' counselling for a few sessions at the start of the year. It was really helpful and got us talking about difficult issues and helped us make some hard decisions. We are working toward equality in our partnership and he is aware that it has been unequal for a long time.

    One thing I've noticed with my mental health lately, is how much more difficult it is when my partner's mental health is also not good. Just makes it such a challenge to hold the family together. We definitely do better when we give each other emotional support.

    Like you Tam, I do find it hard to accept my partner's compliments. I do have a strong inner voice that tells me I'm not very attractive... Combatting that inner voice takes a lot of effort (which I don't always do).

    It's complicated, isn't it? The beliefs we develop from childhood, the things we continue to tell ourselves as adults, the ways our important relationships can either foster positive change or stagnant nothingness. Perhaps your partner could have a role in some therapy for you Tam to help shift those long-held feelings of worthlessness?

    Hope you've had an alright day!

  8. Ebi
    Ebi avatar
    77 posts
    12 June 2019 in reply to Tamz

    Hi Tamz,

    Just wondering how you are going lately? You too, BeyondBlueUser...? And Woofer?

    I would really like to hear from you all if you've got the time and willingness.

    Ebi

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