We read stories here similar to yours (and mine in my past) quite often particularly posters that are not diagnosed. From my perspective its quite sad to read a family potentially splitting up and still there is no diagnosis. Yet a diagnosis doe s afew things. If a mental illness is present it can - allow you partner and you to understand there is a reason OUTSIDE of your control and ther eis hope to keep it all together and move forward to controlling your anger.
We cannot diagnose but as one example- myself, I'm 63yo and at 30yo was diagnosed with anxiety, at 54yo diagnosed with bipolar and depression yet I'm certain my bipolar had been there all my life. This meant huge mood swings from depression to high mania episodes (high one minute low the next) or likely daily swings. Such sings can be contained (not cured) to the extent that life is more normal. I also learned that I needed lots of sleep to also contain the mood swings. I did shift work (not recommended for those with mental illness) and snored (a cpap machine stops that) so once I got a day job I was much better.
A message to you and your wife. Together you can both survive this but it will take teamwork and commitment. Start off with a GP appointment actually a double appointment is worth the expense so she can spill the beans of what its like living with you and you can plead that you are ready to do anything required to help your family.
Finally congratulations, you showed courage to come this far. Eventually when stabilized you will see other people and know they have a problem that is not medicated. You'll acknowledge the difference.
Here are some threads that will also help. Google them and read the first post.
Beyondblue topic what life is like a the end of the tunnel
Beyondblue topic Testing
family members to their limits
Beyondblue topic relationship strife?- the peace pipe (this works !)
Beyondblue topic Talking
to men- some tips (this one is for your wife)
Beyondblue topic Anger,
can you own it?
Good luck. We are here 24/7/365. You can repost here or start a thread topic.
As I implied- diagnosis...baby steps, faith in each other...