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Forums / Welcome and orientation / IS HE A NARCISSIST? (1st Post)

Topic: IS HE A NARCISSIST? (1st Post)

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Perpetual Void
    Perpetual Void avatar
    2 posts
    8 October 2020
    Hello

    I recently met a man on Facebook I bonded with through our shared struggles with mental health. Our relationship quickly blossomed. The conversation was flowing so freely that we were on Messenger for hours every day, we have so much in common and I thought I'd found my 'person'. I have trouble dating irl because I suffer from depression and anxiety, as does he. He lives in America and I am in Australia, and we discussed meeting in the future if all continues to go well.

    Three days ago, he shut me out because I asked him a question about his living situation and he got upset. He has told me that he avoids confrontation, and that also, when he begins to develop feelings for a woman, he will sabotage the relationship as a defence mechanism because he doesn't feel that he is good enough to love. I thought I was willing to try to be with someone who has mental health issues , because I struggle with 'normal' people, as they cannot understand what i go through.

    I'm confused about how to recognise mental health issues, avoiding strategies etc, compared to Narcissism; and also, if it is possible to be in a relationship with a Narcissist without being destroyed completely. I have never met anyone like this man, and I'm not ready to let go - but I'm not sure, also, if my own isolation, depression and low sense of self-worth have lead me to a point where I simply have no standards.

    Please help.
  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    12409 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to Perpetual Void

    Perpetual void,

    Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    it is hard online without emotions unless you are Speaking to each other.

    I think it is hard to recognise mental issue online or in real life for that matter.

    I think that it is early to start labelling behaviour. can you keep communicating with him.

    How long have you known him on Facebook.?

    It is complicate, maybe just keep typing to him and see what happens. having expectations of where the relationship is going may put pressure on both of you. Can you see what happens?

    Take care

  3. Croix
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    Croix avatar
    10373 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to Perpetual Void

    Perpetual Void~

    Quirky is right, it is early days. a LDR is hard, particularly when there is no way of meeting face to face occasionally. So basically all you have is words.

    They can be a start. I corresponded with my wife for a couple of months before meeting her. They are however only a start.

    You have found someone who understand how you feel and naturally assume he feels, if not in exactly the same way, then close.

    Being asked about circumstances is no big thing, and if he says he is not good at establishing relationship due to lack of self esteem then that can be talked over.

    May I suggest you simply continue to talk, and try not to let his possible illness affect your conversation. There is no need for labels.

    In time he may become relaxed with you and talk about all the things in his world, not just illness. By then, if matters have become more serious you may be talking wiht other members of his family

    See how you go

    Croix

  4. tranzcrybe
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    tranzcrybe avatar
    619 posts
    8 October 2020 in reply to Perpetual Void

    Hi Perpetual Void,

    Sorry to hear you have struck a hurdle in finding true love. Perhaps your harmless question about living arrangements might have hinted at something more confronting? However, people do process their feelings at different speeds which includes how and when to divulge certain things. Although time is of no consequence, how long have you been involved with each other?

    "Our relationship quickly blossomed" - until you spend physical time together, I don't think you could categorise this as a relationship -a budding relationship perhaps? You may be projecting too quickly where you want this to go, and this could be subliminally inferred through your general conversations.

    Also, I hope you are careful to avoid being a 'Catfish' victim - having face to face chats online (if you haven't already) may develop more familiarity, reassurance, and trust for both of you - hearts are very fragile things, remember to use your head as well.

    With perseverance, I hope find the love you seek. Feel free to update us on your progress.

    Regards,

    t.

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