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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Just can't seem to get through this tunnel

Topic: Just can't seem to get through this tunnel

  1. therising
    Valued Contributor
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    therising avatar
    2315 posts
    3 November 2021 in reply to SisterG

    Hi SisterG

    Being sensitive, there can be that compulsion to go easy on others. It's like you can be thinking about exactly what you want to say, to get a point across, but the sage in you is saying 'Tone it down. Don't be too brutal. You know how that feels, yourself'. So you listen to the sage and tone it down most of the time. Afterwards you can be left thinking 'Why did I tone it down? Why don't I be as brutal/thoughtless as everyone else? Why do I make such an effort to spare people's feelings?'.

    Too often I channel the sage, SisterG. On the odd occasion I do tend to channel the bi*ch though :) Took decades for this more assertive sense of self to come to life. I sound like an insane woman when I say I can actually channel the natural sage and bi*ch in me at the same time. Keep in mind it takes a heck of a lot to bring out that non sage aspect. You know what it's like, when you're pushed to the absolute brink time and time again and then suddenly you're just done. The internal dialogue can go a little like

    Sage: 'You need to shut this conversation/person down now!', when someone's being purely arrogant, degrading and verbally abusive

    Bi*ch: 'Let 'em have it. Tell them if they had half a brain, then you might consider taking them seriously'

    S: 'Just walk away. Don't get yourself worked up. You'll regret saying something that will burn a bridge'

    B: 'To hell with bridges. Burn 'em all!' Imagine bridges and a high powered flame thrower :)

    And so on

    Yes, my internal dialogue makes me sound like an insane woman completely out of control. It's the sage in me that keeps the bi*ch on a leash, you could say. The sage gives her some leeway but not so much as to completely tear someone apart. Actually, not true. It's happened a couple of times where she's come off the leash :) Those times are when I've felt someone has gradually, completely and utterly destroyed me (really soul destroying stuff). And those are the times where people can't help but announce, out loud, 'You're an absolute bi*ch. You're completely insane!'. Perhaps the appropriate response should be 'And I have you to thank, for bringing out the best in me'.

    I think, sometimes the best in us is that seemingly out of control sense of self who just won't tolerate one more thing. It's that sense of self that openly and clearly sets boundaries. While the people pleaser in us may plead with others to tone down confrontation, there's a feisty part of us which can be thinking at times 'Bring it on!' :)

    1 person found this helpful
  2. SisterG
    SisterG avatar
    19 posts
    26 November 2021 in reply to therising

    Good morning therising,

    That is hilarious and so true. I have definitely found the bi*ch in me. I am so grateful and sad at the same time. Grateful that she is there and fed up and sometimes a bit sad that she is necessary. (More grateful though as I respect her greatly! :-) She is so clear on boundaries!! And a really good BS filter. She is new to me and very welcomed.

    I hope things are going well with you - again and again your words resonate with me completely. :-)

    Take care,


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