Hi Apple and banana,
Welcome to the community - firstly I want to say thank you for sharing and coming forward. It can be hard to reach out and it's really brave to tell your story. I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with anxiety and depression. It sounds like you've been going through a rough time and haven't really had anyone to talk to.
I think it's important to remember that nobody can help experiencing mental health struggles and it's not something you should ever feel guilty about. At the same time, it sounds like you're aware of that and the guilt can sometimes turn into a bit of a cycle. It might help to talk to someone? The mindspot clinic have some great resources for anxiety and depression and can be reached on: 1800 61 44 34
Hope this helps and always happy to chat more.