Your son being 16 is a tricky age for determining maturity, but you might find expressing how you are feeling and why your reactions are misdirected could set up some meaningful dialogue (in calmer moments).
I have found that heartfelt honesty transgresses many failings and once the source of your outbursts has been identified as self directed/projected, you may find more acceptance from your son as well as within yourself - it's natural to feel resentful in angry altercations particularly when they appear unjustified, and if left unaddressed they can become indelible. But it also sounds like family are not rallying around you and this may negatively influence your efforts.
When left to your own thoughts, paranoia is bound to set in; so talking things through with anyone should help restore some balance. Be careful with 'Dr Google, but it may be worth seeking a professional opinion for a diagnosis and treatment plan - this may not be something you can tackle alone. Further, utilise the forum space to express, vent, or seek opinions to whatever plagues your mind and to help mitigate future blowouts.