It is really great that you have reached out to this community for some support and I am so very sorry that you feel so very ill both physically and mentally when you think about your life. I want to make sure that you are feeling safe at this time, if you are not feeling safe, please call an ambulance on 000 and have them come to see you, you matter so much and there is help and there is hope. There are also the wonderful people at Lifeline on 13 11 14 to chat through things with if you prefer a voice to speak to at this time. I am so sorry that things are not going well for you at the moment.
Starting with the GP is a wonderful place to begin getting a safety and wellness plan in place for you, just a tip to book a double appointment so that you can have time and get the benefit of the session without feeling rushed. I think also it is helpful to write some things down before the appointment so that you get to express everything you need to and dont leave thinking you left so much out. If you do feel like you are struggling with communicating how you feel too you can always pass the note to the doctor and let him/her read it as a starting point.
This forum is also another really great place to share how you are feeling, to get some things off your chest and let the community support you and give you their ideas and suggestions on how they have coped or what they do in similar situations too. This is a safe space and no one here will be judging you or be critical of you tablelamp, just care and support, so as much as you feel comfortable to, share away.
You mentioned seeing a psychologist in the past and didn't find them very helpful, I just wanted to say to that point that as you know, they are people too and just as we don't make connections with everyone in life we don't always connect with health professionals either and sometimes it might take three or four or even more to find the right person with whom you do find comfort, support and mostly the connection and that what they are saying to you resonates with you and you find helpful. Please don't give up hope on finding the right support due to the past experience.
We are here for you tablelamp.
Chat some more soon