I'm new too and relate to you Arion.
This is my first post. I have been avoiding tagging myself with an anxiety problem for a few years, but actually when I look back I was anxious and fearful even as a child, but I am accepting that it is a problem for me and have been doing a lot of self help reading and listening to a lot podcasts. After all these years I am finally accepting it as who I am. It is anxiousness one day and blues the next, like today.
So my story is that I have been with my wife for more than 20 years, we have 3 children together (15 & under) and a lot of my anxiety comes from family life. I am a migrant (English speaking) so have no family here although I have a couple of good friends. I believe she has anxiety from her childhood also but does not accept it, she is a very 'just get on with it, pull yourself together' type of person. I love my family dearly and am very grateful for what we have built and what we have, and what we can give our children. We are very lucky I know. But....I feel like I am always walking on eggshells waiting for the next thing I do wrong or the next blow up. She is very unpredictable and gets into rages that result in telling me to just stop talking. I told her just before Xmas that I thought I had anxiety and she told me not to label myself; and last week I wrote her a long text (because we had been arguing and couldn't resolve it) explaining how I felt, telling her I loved her but that I thought her need for control of everything in the family was a sign of anxiety also, and that we should get counselling together - her response was to say 'don't ever send me a text like again what a load of shit' (Excuse my language!)
So here I am, I have anxiety, and I am trying to accept it and deal with it with a partner who doesn't believe it, who doesn't want her wife to say she has it, and who doesn't believe one bit in counselling. I have asked her to come to counselling with me several times but she will not and says it is a waste of time. Sometimes I just up-manage her, other times I have no energy for her. I love her, she says she loves me and doesn't want me to change, but actually won't accept my feelings of anxiety, so I deal with it by myself. I have confided in one friend but my wife would be so furious if she knew.
I am strong also most of the time, I just need to have this validated, so I have finally taken the plunge. Thank you for being here and allowing me to share. I think it will help me cope.