dear Adam, I would like to join Neil's greetings towards you, as so many people may read most of these posts but for some reason they feel as though their depression is not worthy of being posted, but in fact it is, because once you have some sort of depression, it then builds up to a point where they become desperate.
So every problem with depression is something that needs to talked about, and on this site all of us have gone through or still struggling with this illness, so there is much to offer from all of us, who are compassionate and caring and certainly want to help you and all those others.
To be able to look after your grandmother who was suffering from PD, must have been a job that, to see her deteriorate every day was a horrible sight, compared to all those years when you were a child, so it's not a job that anyone would want to take care of, but you dedicated your time to her and you should be congratulated.
It always seems to be a trend for people like yourself and many of us who do want to look after people because of their lack of needs, so in fact they then use us as much as they can, and then either drop us and/or move on, which then leaves us bewildered, exhausted and then trying to pick ourselves up again.
But there does become a point in life where this causes us to feel depressed, and then from there onwards this illness grows inside us we can can't handle it any more and want help.
Personally I used to hate being abandoned, so I would go all out to find the love I dearly wanted from my wife, and by having OCD this became a huge problem for me as well as how you feel.
So you are alone on the way you feel, and I hope that you can get back to us. Geoff.