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Forums / Welcome and orientation / New here, looking for help

Topic: New here, looking for help

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. EDC
    EDC avatar
    1 posts
    30 August 2020
    Hi, I am worried about my 28 year old son who is going through a depressed state, although he is getting help, he is still just above rock bottom, I don't know what to do, he won't talk to me, answer my calls or text. I'm feeling helpless and alone. Any tips to navigate this would be appreciated.
  2. White Rose
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    30 August 2020 in reply to EDC

    Dear EDC

    Hello and welcome to the forum. It's a good place to read about other's struggles with depression and how they feel about getting help both professional and family.

    I think one of the most important things for you to do is to get good information about depression. Beyond blue has a number of fact sheets you can download. Look under The Facts above and also under Get Support. It is good to be informed about a subject many people have little idea about and which scares many people because of all the misconceptions.

    One very common trait in depression is to push away family and friends. There is a great deal of shame associated with any mental illness so the instinct is to hide what's happening. It may be your son feels he should be stronger, able to get over this on his own, or not wanting to worry you or be a burden. I doubt it is personal.

    When you navigate through the fact sheets you will find a booklet written for family and friends. You can ask BB to send one or two copies to you. There is no charge. It has information that can help you with your son.

    I also suggest you read through some of the threads in the depression section to get some idea of how people feel when they are depressed. No two people are alike but there can be similarities. I can understand your worry and concern about your son. For me it was the reverse. I was the person depressed and my (adult) children were concerned. I was still reluctant to talk about it even when I became suicidal.

    What sort of concerns do you have about your son? It's good he is getting help, presumably from a psychologist or psychiatrist.

    I have found what I most appreciated was someone listening to me. Good listeners are as scarce as hen's teeth. However, when it came to my family I found it very difficult to talk. After all I was their mom and I should be caring for them, not the other way round. So I also felt guilty. It may be your son has similar feelings. You have looked after him all his life and perhaps he doesn't feel he should put this on your shoulders. Do you think this may be possible?

    Getting through to him in the first place is the difficulty I gather. Can you simply arrive at his home and talk to him? Does he have a family/wife? Can you tell him you would prefer to know what was happening instead of presuming the worst. That you love him no matter what. That you want to help as much as you can.

    I hope this is useful to you.Please post in as often as you wish.

    Mary

  3. Tay100
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Tay100 avatar
    647 posts
    30 August 2020 in reply to EDC

    Hi EDC

    I'm sorry to hear about your distress, and your son's situation. It can be hard and very frustrating to watch a loved one, particular someone we provide care for, suffer and not be open to our help.

    I encourage you to try and continue reaching out to him every now and again- he may need his space also. Is there someone you trust to go check on him? Or maybe next time you reach out gently suggest he seek out help himself- leave him with a resource that you think would appeal to him- an anonymous chatline for example. We can suggest one if you'd like to go down and try that route.

    In the meantime, please practise self-compassion and know you are doing all you can. Sleep, eat well, and move about if you can- the foundational stuff that will help your emotion and worry not overwhelm you.

    Keep us updated if you like,

    Tay100

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