First of all let me thank you for welcoming me to BeyondBlue. I was surprised at just how welcoming and genuinely friendly your post was and I appreciate/d it very much. If at anytime you want or need assistance or anything, I'll try my best to help.
I thought I'd better write more about my depression, how it is today, so you and Suz and others will get to know my situation better.
Some of the things I'm experiencing now, include:
A lack of good feelings and a general feeling of flatness.
Lethargy at times and feeling tired.
Strong Irritability and anger here and there
An exaggerated fear of people. This is diminishing. It makes it hard for me to go out at times. I feel vulnerable and conspicuous like my faults or ? are on display.
An exaggerated fear of being evicted from my flat. I keep thinking over and over that I will be asked to leave when my lease runs out in 2 months time. There is no real evidence for my fears just a string of circumstantial events that "prove" to me that I am right.
An exaggerated fear of being alone. My flatmate is leaving in 2 months. Once again I automatically think the worst. I will be alone and won't be able to cope. I have very few friends and find it difficult to mix with people who are well. It seems I alienate people easily because of my illness (my lack of enthusiasm and alertness etc I guess, the black cloud over me) Recently, I lost a couple of close friends through misunderstandings made worse by my depressed state.
And lastly, an odd one perhaps. My head feels congested a lot as if it's full of cotton wool or something similar. Do others experience this? I rarely feel totally clear in the mind. Meds? illness? both? I'm not sure.
Well, I hope all that wasn't too negative, my situation is a lot better than it was 6 months ago and it is still improving so I am not complaining, much!
So Neil, I hope you're doing well. If you get the urge to reply, please write back whenever it suits.
All the Best