A warm welcome to the forum. It can be very hard to make your first post here and I want to congratulate you. Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds so frustrating to constantly find these road blocks. On the positive side you are fighting back and that takes courage. Do you believe it is the pressure of your business that has caused these seizures?
Geoff has said he had the same situation and can feel for you. It must be so very hard when all your hopes and dreams come crashing down especially when you have no warning and no control over when you will have another seizure. I was very pleased to read you have a supportive partner. This is one of the positive events in your life.
Thinking of self harm is normal in your school situation as you were so bitterly disappointed at losing your opportunity to have the career you dreamed of. You got past that and set about finding a new career path and although the journey was rough you got through your degree. That in itself was a huge success. I went to uni as a mature age student and found it hard going at times juggling work, family and study.
And now you have been dealt another blow. Is there a possibility of seeing your neurologist earlier than a month? Perhaps you can go on their cancellation list. I feel you need some immediate support to help fend off these dark thoughts. Do not be too hard on yourself. You have battled through some huge situations and come out the other end.
Mentor is quite right saying you can talk safely here. I do not have any suggestions for you as I have not been in your situation. It's a bit like depression in that few people who have never had depression can relate to you. It is so hard to understand.
When you are feeling the thoughts are going to take over your actions, may I suggest you phone the Suicide Call Back Service (SCBS). Do not be alarmed at the title. They are available 24/7, and you can reach them on 1300 659 467. You may like to explore their web site https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ These lovely people can help when you feel despair. They have trained staff who do understand how you are feeling. I hope this will be a good support for you.
Please continue to post in here.