I'd like to welcome you here, it is a very different place to a crisis line, partly becuse everyone here has gone though hard times of one type or another, and that has promoted understanding, not being judgmental and also being realistic.
I guess the first thing to say is that seeking advice and assistance is not contrary to the 'strong male' philosophy. Quite the reverse, it demonstrates the ability to recognize a problem, and to take action to rectify the matter. Mature wisdom, not weakness.
Life has certainly handed you a huge load, some ill fortune and some by those who failed in their duties or to be reasonable.
You did have plans and ambitions, and the person inside you is much the same and would still have them. It is simply the distance is further -a discouraging turn of events.
I can sympathize with the PTSD, depression, anxiety and feelings of dis-empowerment -plus the physical reactions. I was invalided out of my career for the same types of illness. I can also see that staying in your room for days on end as being what seems the easiest course.
I guess going down the path to a better life is small steps -I'm sure you have heard that before. It means you judge yourself by your current circumstances, not by when you were well and everything was pretty much ok -which simply sets you up for feelings of failure.
So getting out of bed, having a wash or a shower, cleaning teeth, getting dressed - they are all victories. Seems silly but is true, and each one you do empowers you for the next, up to the laundry and cooking stage.
I used to be a speed-reader, devouring everything from novels to biographies and text books. After I became really bad understanding one line in an adolescent's fantasy book was a triumph.
Now I'm back to speed-reading ( I keep my state library busy with constant downloads ). Also lead a busy and responsible life, giving me satisfaction and a firm degree of self confidence.
This did not happen overnight, it took a long time wiht a series of excellent GPs and psychiatrists. I was lucky there.
If you are like me you simply will not be able to see a future to plan for at the moment. Believe me that will start to come as you improve.
Would you like to talk some more?