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Forums / Welcome and orientation / newbie who has reached out

Topic: newbie who has reached out

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. bucketlist
    bucketlist avatar
    1 posts
    21 May 2014
    Can't say I have written on a forum before however I have never felt so desperate before. I have known my "meltdown" was coming for a long time just didn't realise it would hit the way it did. I have spent the entire morning feeling completely hopeless and sobbing uncontrollably. I know I have felt miserable for quite some time now and bit by bit have destroyed or isolated myself from friends apart from a couple really. I have stepped out of groups I belong to unable to cope with the feelings of despair and thoughts that others in the group are "leaving me out". I know I have been doing it to myself all along. I have finally calmed after reading posts and following the links on this site however think it may have more to do with exhaustion from this morning episode. I found myself in such a state of despair that I felt I need to call an ambulance only the thought of not knowing what to say was wrong with me stopped me.I did manage to just call my GP now and make an apt for Friday where I will put my hand up for help. I am embarrassed to do so however I don't ever want this morning to happen again although somehow I know it will.I have been putting one foot in front of the other for so long now that I am physically and mentally exhausted. I don't know if this morning was me hitting rock bottom or a mental breakdown but I am still shaky and nervous,taking things very steady and calm so I can reach out and get some help.I think maybe I should have done it a long time agao.
  2. JessF
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    JessF avatar
    1548 posts
    21 May 2014 in reply to bucketlist

    Hello bucketlist, for all the bad press it gets the internet can be your friend when you're in situations like these, no matter how alone in the world you feel, you can guarantee there will be someone out there who understands what you are going through, or in this case, a lot of people as you would have been reading! I am so glad you have decided to seek help, there's nothing worse than that feeling of energy slowly running out and the panic setting in. 

    You mentioned wanting to phone the ambulance in a panic, have you ever phoned a helpline before like beyond blue or the suicide call back service?  I have done this before, and they are wonderful, its amazing what a calm voice can do to just bring the temperature down and help you think straight.

    The other thing you mention is that you've been putting one foot in front of the other for too long, this is also a good technique for getting back to full strength... rather than being overwhelmed by so many things going on, to take things one day at a time and sometimes even one hour at a time while you start to get back on an even keel.

    There is nothing to feel embarrassed about, I have said in another thread that meltdowns like this are like the brain's equivalent of a fuse going. It's a sign that you need support, and you have taken that step. 

    Who else have you got around you at the moment that you can confide in? Close friends, family?

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9752 posts
    21 May 2014 in reply to bucketlist

    Dear Bucketlist.

    Thankyou for contacting Beyond Blue and reaching us via this forum. Fellow sufferers like yourself that have been there done that.

    We humans are indeed superhuman in our lifestyles, running here and there simply to make a life for ourselves.  It's time for you to accept you are not a superman or superwoman.  You have now made your appointment for friday- great!  if you feel better by friday remember how you were today and still seek help.

    As for your friends "leaving you out" this could be for a number of reasons.  It could be in your imagination, it could be because they are aware of your depressed state and cant relate to it or it could be because they are afraid. Whatever the reason I think you need to get help as your priority and in time return to your group in a better frame of mind. I did the opposite not long ago and lashed out at them and paid the price. It isnt so bad to drift away for a while.

    Good luck and pat yourself on the back in seeking help.  Dont be afraid. Our brains just need a bit of oiling to keep going

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