Hi Mandajane,
I can't image how hard it is for you, but please don't lose hope.
I feel you have complex live challenges which is hard to be fixed in short term, but there is hope and possibility to improve step by step.
I feel you need someone to walk a long journey with you. It can be a mental health support worker, or a peer worker with lived experience. Some of these resources are free. I do encourage you to give Beyond Blue a call, they might be able to help you access these support resources.
If you have a family member or close friend that you can rely on, do not hesitate to ask support from them as well.
It might be a long journey but please don't lose hope and confidence.
Warmly,
Mark