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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Putting myself down and worrying endlessly

Topic: Putting myself down and worrying endlessly

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. DreamyCream
    DreamyCream avatar
    5 posts
    1 March 2021

    hey there, I've never used a forum or community like this before, but after a couple months of just lurking in the background reading other people's posts and experiences, I feel I'm ready to join in and be a part of this.

    Okay so here's my deal. I'm 16 soonish, and my boyfriend is 1 and a half years younger than me. First up is that a problem?? He sometimes says that the age gap worries him but as there's nothing we can do about that we just leave it. No point worrying about something you can't change, right? My view on this is that since we're in a committed relationship, once we're like 20 and 22 it won't be as big a problem- we will both be fully biologically developed, and so pretty much the same mentally-wise. Long distance relationships suck a lot. It's really, really really REALLY hard. I miss him all the time, every day, I'm obsessed with him. We've been together since June, 2020, and before that were best friends for around 5 months. He was there for me through a vulnerable time including nasty girls, dumping me from their friend group. I don't want to talk about that, I'm teetering on the edge of 'over it'. We had each other through a season where we needed it most, and if that's all we get out of the relationship then it's pretty good still. The first time he said he loved me I was ecstatic. It means a lot to say that. Especially coming from someone who knows me so well, through my cranky PMS days and all.

    Currently the only thing making me anxious is something I said to him, and another girl..

    Women. We get cranky, we get nasty and tired and we want to blob around. My boyfriend was being perfectly lovely to me and I was nasty back, and it hurt him a lot. We haven't been quite the same since, but we're healing. I apologised and did everything I could to make it right- making sure he knew what I said I did not mean at all. We're better. But I'm anxious about a friend of his, who has caught feelings for him, and vice versa. He told me about this, and so I'm not too worried- If he was open about it, it means he trusts me.. I think. He said he chooses me over anyone, and so that's relieving. But still, I worry. Yes, it's just a crush, but with him being so far away what if something happens, and she's better than me? With this circling my mind, I've been putting myself down a lot. 'I'm not worthy of him anyway. I was nasty and I will be for a week every month, and I can't help it. I'm always depressed around people. He deserves someone better.'

    1 person found this helpful
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9778 posts
    1 March 2021 in reply to DreamyCream
    Hi, welcome

    I don't think you have anything to worry about.

    The age thing is a non issue and I congratulate you both for your honesty and commitment.

    Your nasty responses will come occasionally and he will adapt to it, as ling as you quickly apologize and remind him how much you appreciate him.

    All relationships have clashes, it's the price we pay to have 95% of the good times. Accept that and you'll be fine.

    Google this please-

    Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

    Beyondblue topic relationship strife-the peace pipe

    Good luck, be positive.
    2 people found this helpful
  3. Rishie
    Rishie avatar
    50 posts
    2 March 2021 in reply to DreamyCream
    HI DreamyCream
    It's nice that you have found someone who loves you and makes you happy. Hold onto that, because love is precious. Dont' let the age difference bother you, age is just a number.
    When you love someone, you accept them, faults and all. There are times when he is going to be moody, or angry, or difficult to be around for whatever reason, just as there are going to be those times with you. If you love each other, and if you apologise to each other when you get mad, then you wil get through it. The most important thing is to keep communicating, to keep talking about your feelings, even when you are angry or whatever, rather than shutting each other out. If you keep communicating, talking and listening to each other, that will make your relationship stronger.
    Try not to put yourself down. It really doesn't help.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16441 posts
    2 March 2021 in reply to DreamyCream

    Hello DreamyCream and welcome to the site.

    Age difference only concerns people who are 10 years old compared to a 13 year old, much happens between this age difference, but as you get older such as 20 years old compared to 23 years old means nothing and shouldn't be of any concern, so I wouldn't take this as any problem whats so ever.

    There is no rule to state that a male has to be older than a female, maybe that's an 'old wives' tale'.

    If he says he loves you, then that's an enormous statement to make, one that will certainly warm your heart and remember none of us are perfect, we all have our days when we might be crumpy, that only refuels our lost energy.

    People appreciate other people having a crush on us, that will always happen throughout life and you are unable to stop it, but the strong ones can avoid anything from happening.

    Take care.


    2 people found this helpful
  5. DreamyCream
    DreamyCream avatar
    5 posts
    2 March 2021 in reply to Rishie
    Thank you so much Rishie. This is really comforting and helpful <3>

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