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Forums / Welcome and orientation / When is it time to call it?

Topic: When is it time to call it?

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Calwri
    Calwri avatar
    2 posts
    16 May 2019
    Hi there
    So pretty tough to squeeze a decades trials and tribulations in to 2500 characters, but here lies my current (last few years); English, moved to Aus with Partner and young child. Had second child, grew a business, quit own job good job to grow business, have no family or support network, work together, I'm sole carer of our children and work full time, he drinks every night (and sometimes takes other substances or has gone and disappeared to "friends" for a night or 2), he's got anxiety and anger management issues. Constantly puts me down, shouts, swears, name calls (freak, crazy, mental etc), questions everything I do or choice I make, (tries) to control what I wear and it goes on. He's so dependant on me; he treats me like I'm his actual PA (despite me being the force and growth of said business), he has never supported me in anything inside or outside the business, he is controlling/dictating, condemning and bullying towards our kids i.e. expectations, shouts, makes empty promises and has created anxiety in our 9 year old. I try and stay so strong and positive about life, kids and our business etc but just because I don't "flip out" like he does I get abused. One of us has to stay calm or realistic - I don't see how if we both reacted and dealt with issues (like he does) will achieve anything. I regularly go to bed alone or in tears and the next day he acts like nothing has happened and he expects love and affection and I'm told to "get over it". I would love to leave, so the kids can have a happier and free'er childhood but I am so trapped financially (we are both Directors of the business which I would hate to see fail/close if I departed) and legally we are dependant on his visa and I've worked so hard to make a life here, and this is the kids home, going back to what is England just isn't an option.
    Thanks, in advance, for your time.
  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9744 posts
    16 May 2019 in reply to Calwri

    Hi, welcome

    You certainly are in a pickle.

    I have no answer to the abuse side if things...it is just simply unacceptable.

    As far as disputes go please google the following thread and read the first post

    Beyondblue Topic relationship strife, the peace pipe

    I think your financial situation is complex enough to warrant an opinion from a financial advisor. You might consider this without him knowing and I think with his abuse of you it is warranted.

    I'd also attend human services to ascertain your situation with your business post separation. Furthermore I'd get copies of all documents and bank statements as they will want them plus balance sheets.

    It is possible if your company finances are so bad you'll qualify for income payments. Its worth a chat.

    I hope you battle through this and find happiness one way or the other.

    Google

    Beyondblue Topic the definition of abuse

    Beyondblue Topic the best praise you'll ever get

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Calwri
    Calwri avatar
    2 posts
    16 May 2019 in reply to white knight
    Thank you Tony WK for your response. I really appreciate the advice and will follow the links.

    The business is doing great and has and continues to grow financially each year but my concern comes when I have to walk away from that and start again on a new career path having built an extremely profitable medium sized business. Just feels a waste, you know?

    But in the grand scheme of things, a business/job is obviously not a reason to stay - I know this.

    I'm just over being the mental punch bag for his issues, constantly holding him, the business and our kids together with no outlay or support of my own and regularly dream of being in a relationship based on respect.

    Thanks again. Even writing this down has helped and cemented some decisions and ways forward.
    2 people found this helpful

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