I am a almost 40yr old wife, been married 15 years, and known the love of my life since we were teenagers.
We've both had our traumas in life. Most people do...everyone has a past, a story, a tragic moment or two or a shitty hand they've been dealt, they just need to survive with...
My husband showed me how a man should love a woman, and how to be respectful of a woman. My husband taught me to be proud of myself, and open up to being loved and admired and cherished. We supported each other to the n'th degree in all aspects of our lives. We never judged each other, never hurt each other with words and always showed each other kindness.
...Until a few years back... when my husband was diagnosed with depression. He is also more and more reliant on the beers of an evening, on medication, and we're seeing a marriage councilor.
Both of us, for different traumas we've had to live with have openly sought assistance with a psychologist...Our marriage councilor says our our communication skills aren't aligning anymore, and our words are hurting one another.
We both think differently, initially attracted to one another as we were polar opposites. Now this difference is tearing us apart...
I guess, my beef is the lack of respect that I get shown. His would be my lack of love or support for him.
We've both come to resent the other, my for him not seeing that his alcohol intake is affecting his depression, and our love life. Often (at least 3 times a week, bed wetting occurs). This topic hasn't been discussed with the marriage councilor on his behalf, and I get that, as it's shameful to him...but the cycle is the same for me, I see this and am living with this too, but nothing gets resolved, it's a 'pain point for him'. He cannot see that the alcohol is the cause of the further depression, and believes that my words are fueling his elusiveness.
My attempts at showing love and affection are failing, as he continues to feel unworthy, unloved, and useless. Nothing I say makes a difference, my words fall on deaf ears...
He doesn't feel loved. I don't feel loved. We both feel very alone right now. I am lost inside, as I feel so hurt and afraid to say, do, or be the wrong thing for him.
He doesn't like my words, they do nothing for him but spark anger and he pulls away from me, often sleeping downstairs or retreating, saying "I don't get it" "I don't care". He wants me to show love, but I find it hard to show affection when my needs aren't being met either.