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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Where Have I Gone Wrong In Life

Topic: Where Have I Gone Wrong In Life

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. LifeSux
    LifeSux avatar
    3 posts
    2 July 2019

    I don't know where to start. Im 47, introvert, lost my job in Feb, have heart issues and incredibly lonely. I haven't been in a relationship for over 5 years now and miss being with a women in an intermate relationship. I don't do one night stands as I need that emotional connection as well. I've tried every online dating site but the constant rejections are too overwhelming. People tell me to join a club etc but there's nothing that really motivates me. I see a shrink on a regular basis but unless they hand out girlfriends is there a point going there to discuss the same thing.

    If i had the choice on whether to wake up tomorrow it would be a big fat zero.

  2. TurquoiseTangerine
    TurquoiseTangerine avatar
    9 posts
    2 July 2019 in reply to LifeSux

    Sorry to hear that LS. When someone without depression or loneliness gives advice, it can seem a bit counter-productive. Is there anything that interests you that is not a club? Like painting or music? I started painting when I got depressed and it made me feel better. I go to galleries by myself and drive around the city looking for inspiration. I also met a lot of people while playing MMO's we meet up occasionally. You never know where your next relationship might start.

    I really hope you find what you are looking for soon.

    TT

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Lemmy
    Lemmy avatar
    32 posts
    3 July 2019 in reply to LifeSux

    Sorry to hear about your current struggle LS. Single Introvert here as well. I find for myself that getting out and doing things that are vague interests can grow into something that will motivate you more later on. Finding a passion is hard if there is nothing to motivate you, but if you don't try a few different things it's hard to figure out what it is you may like.

    Its like the saying 'how do you know what's your favourite icecream flavour if you haven't tried them all at least once?'

    I don't do it often enough but I find going once a month to play boardgames or groups who go watch movies or just meeting up for a walk/ride around a local park or beach or amateur tennis groups is a good way to start your search. Then you never know , you might meet someone interesting along the way.

    Maybe if your focus is meeting someone use that as your motivation. you can discuss with your shrink what it is you want out of a relationship and what type of person it is you wish to be with? From that, imagine what that ideal person has for hobbies. Using this formula might give you ideas about what hobbies to take up to happen upon that Mrs right.

    Hope that helps spark some ideas.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. LifeSux
    LifeSux avatar
    3 posts
    4 July 2019 in reply to TurquoiseTangerine

    What makes matters worse is we are surrounded by relationship stuff mainly on TV. I know shows like married at first site are all crap but i keep on asking myself "when is it going to be my turn to be in love", "what's wrong with me and why is this so hard?".

    I'm a nice guy but the world is ruled by shallow people where looks come first.

  5. LifeSux
    LifeSux avatar
    3 posts
    4 July 2019 in reply to LifeSux
    So with my bad health, can't work and arrears owing on mortgage i'm losing interest in living.
  6. Lemmy
    Lemmy avatar
    32 posts
    8 July 2019 in reply to LifeSux

    Hi LS, just another forum newbie here with some personal observations i wish to share. i know its hard to not compare yourself to others, but i would strongly suggest definitely not doing it to others in a dressed up commercialised world like that on tv :) Society can be hard to be in when its geared towards a life you are having a hard time achieving , and when it is something you are desiring also... well its a setup for failure. For me and my current struggles i am trying to switch my thinking over from desire in needing to love another to ways that i can love myself. For who i am and what i can be. Just because you are single does not mean you are less of a person. It sounds like you are having some strong feelings towards your own well being and i hope you have the strength and conviction to seek help when you need it. Make sure you are honest with your shrink about these feelings of losing interest in living, i hope they can help in your situation.

    "I'm a nice guy but the world is ruled by shallow people where looks come first" Maybe true to some extent but not always 100% with everyone. Your comment reminded me of an interesting read by a Psychologist Robert A Glover called 'No more Mr. Nice Guy' easy to buy online in paper format or digital. It has started to help me get some perspective on my past behaviors and why my previous actions of giving my all to others has not returned the desires i had for myself.Maybe you can find it an interesting read also?

    That's all for now, just happy to keep the conversation going :)

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Uniqueself
    Uniqueself avatar
    2 posts
    15 July 2019
    Hi I’m new to BB. I’m feeling relationships aren’t all they are cracked up to be. I’ve been with my partner for ten years and our love is strong but he works away and I hardly see him. I find myself missing him n broken more than I am with him. I wonder if life wouldn’t be simpler on my own.
  8. Lemmy
    Lemmy avatar
    32 posts
    16 July 2019 in reply to Uniqueself

    Hi Uniqueself, It might be best to start your own personal thread on the subject matter you are dealing with. this way you can have responses directed to you and help on a more personal level.

    Despite this i'd like to add that i feel you are probably not alone in your thoughts of breaking free from a relationship that might not be providing the love and support you desire, have you spoken to your partner about these feelings? 10 years is a long time and a huge investment on both your halves to each other. I feel that there are no perfect relationships in this world, by their very nature relationships are chaotic and full of challenges, how you manage and communicate through these times are a sign of strength and commitment for each other. maybe contacting relationships Australia and organising a dual counciling session to talk through things is a good second step after trying directly? There is a great book i have read recently called 'Crucial Conversations' which helped me understand the need to communicate openly and without judgement or fear. It might be worth picking up a copy? just some thoughts :)

  9. Uniqueself
    Uniqueself avatar
    2 posts
    17 July 2019
    Thank you I’m not sure how yet but will try to find out

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