Hi there, FightingForSanity!
First and foremost, thank you for choosing to join our online community! We are grateful you have.
Your first posts here with us are powerful - brave in their honesty, and I know there are many in our community who will feel less alone and misunderstood because of your sharing.
No one can deny how exhausting 20 years of struggle must feel. Even as your professionals narrowing down the diagnosis makes the possibility of more effective and beneficial solutions that may make a world of difference, enduring that process is still arduous and daunting. The fatigue and soul-ache are understandable, and worthy of empathy!
Something that is always of interest, spoken of by some sufferers of Bi-Polar, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum (basically people who know they will always have struggles mentally) is that of the 'choice' of release from suffering. A really remarkable man by the name of Mathieu Ricard, a French Buddhist and Neural researcher has shown a lot of proof that sometimes the act of 'fighting' for health, makes us unwell - showing the brains mechanisms that separate 'being in pain' (which there is nothing we can do about) and 'suffering from pain' (which shows up as being a choice)., It takes not insignificant practice to be able to function that way - but it is fascinating food for thought!
There can be no doubt that you have put in incredible hard yards - wanting to stop for a while is utterly natural, and maybe even advisable - but that black wolf voice of depression might try to twist that intent into something worse. Please let me take this opportunity to remind you of Lifeline on 13 11 14; of Black Dog institute which you can reach on their website here
; and you can absolutely reach out to us 24 hours a day on 1300 22 4636 or click here
to start a webchat! Services like e-couch
can allow you to do some brief therapy challenges whenever you want, and whenever you need, without it feeling like a session or a fight.
Do not be afraid to try to stop and rest, FightingForSanity, but please do so in a way that is safe and peaceful, and don't hesitate to allow us to support you in that.
We are grateful to have you here, and genuinely hope to hear from you soon!